Ask A Host
by fangirlqueen
Summary: Just like the title says, the host want to answer YOUR questions! Read inside for details on how to send your questions.DISCLAIMER:I do not own ouran high school host club their just visiting.
1. how to submit your questions

Being that I'm such good friends with the host club I have been given permission to interview them using YOUR questions!!!

Yes you heard right. In order to submit your questions just message me or leave your question in the form of a review for this. You don't have to put your name if you don't want to but you do have to put down the host name or just type "everyone" if you want all the host to answer.

Also you don't have to only submit questions. You can submit comments about them, but don't be mad if you confess your undying love for Haruhi and she doesn't love you back. Don't worry though anyone who doesn't get their love returned gets a cookie and a puppy.

So start sending those questions and after receiving at least 10 I will start the show!!!!

Remember the host club is waiting

zell-chan


	2. first round of questions

Welcome one and all to "Ask a host!" I'm your host Zell-chan and I will be asking the wonderfully talented and handsome Ouran High school Host club, questions that you, the reader have sent it. So lets get this show started.

The first question is from _AyameiLee_ and she writes:

_I want to ask everyone what there first experience as host were like, how the twins felt in the first brotherly love scene and how tama had his first designation... basically that for everyone cept Haruhi... but she can say how she felt about it. oh and I will also like to comment something to Haruhi...I'm really not a big fan of yours to tell you the truth I hate you and don't think its just me cuss its not, my friend hates you to and I could give you a list of over 100 people who do (no offense to anyone who likes Haruhi)_

The studio audience of the female students of Ouran High school all yell and boo at the latter part of the letter.

"Just because Haruhi-Kun dresses in drag now and then does not mean he's a girl!" Renge yells out in the audience.

"Calm down everyone! We're all entitled to our own opinions, so Haruhi what's your reaction?"

"I was nervous my first time but other than that it was ok. And it would be very troublesome if everyone liked me I suppose. As far as the list of people I don't think I really need it." Haruhi deadpans sending Tamaki into a fit.

"How can my darling daughter say such things!! Don't worry even if they don't like you daddy loves you!" Tamaki screams as he runs over to give Haruhi a reassuring hug.

"How many times do I have to tell you, you're not my father."

Zell-chan: Well it seems Tamaki is now growing mushrooms in the studio corner. (Nervous laugh) so lets go on to the first question. What was your first experience as host like?

"It was sweet! My first designation was so kawaiii! She gave me lots of cake and hugs!" Hunny cheers earning an awww from the audience.

Zell-chan: Well isn't that sweet! Mori how was your first designation?

"….." Mori stares at the nervously smiling hostess of the show.

Zell-Chan: Well that was entertaining!(sweat drop) Well let's move on yet again. I think I share this with the audience and general populist when I say, were just dying to know how was your first brotherly love scene? And how did it feel?

"It wasn't such a big deal, it actually happened by accident when Kaoru tripped bringing some tea and fell into my lap." Hikaru chuckled.

"Hikaru please don't say such embarrassing things!" Kaoru blushingly pleads.

"But it was so funny! Our designation even fainted from her nose bleeding too much!"

"Hikaru…"

"Don't worry Kaoru, I'll make sure to make you blush even more when were alone." Hiakru crooned as he cupped his brothers' chin.

"Oh Hikaru!" Kaoru whispered as he blushed.

Zell-Chan: Bring out the medical team pronto!! I had a feeling this might happen….girls are dropping like flies and hey!! No blood on the shoes! (Walks away from the screaming and nose bleeding audience irritated that her new shoes will be ruined) You still never answered how it felt.

Hikaru and Kaoru just shrug.

Zell-Chan: (sigh) The world may never know. So that leaves Kyouya! How was your first designation and how did you feel about it?

"My first designation went off without a hitch. I collected enough data from my customer to find out how to better the club and increase profit. I felt nothing particular about it except that it was necessary in order for the club to succeed." Kyouya said precise and to the point as he pushed up his glasses.

A winter breeze seems to appear out of no where and caused the whole audience to shiver.

Zell-Chan: I shouldn't have expected any less…well lets move on the next question…

Tamaki gives Zell puppy eyes from his corner.

Zell-Chan: (sigh) I know I'm going to regret this but it was for all the host. Tamaki, how was your first hosting experience and how did you come about your first designation? (pops 20 advil in her mouth from the upcoming headache)

"So kind of you to ask my darling Zell-Chan."

Zell-Chan: -- yeah whatever…(gets a cover and lays down on the floor) wake me when your done ok?

"Of course our dearest hostess. Oh thinking back on my impressionable youth when I just began this club…"

"The club is only two years old Milord." Hikaru interjected.

"What person considers 15 years old to be their impressionable youth?" Kaoru asked sarcastically.

"I WAS NOT ASKING YOU TWO!!!! Now as I was saying before being interrupted by unscrupulous twins…" Tamaki said clearing his throat as the twins stifled their laughter.

Zell-Chan: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"My first designation came by chance when a young maiden overheard me talking about becoming a host. The sparkle of her eyes and the blush on her cheeks let me know I had to fallow through so that I may be able to surround myself with the glow of her love whenever desired. Even though she was my first customer she will forever remain in my heart. I never felt so alive or so sure of what I was meant to do in life before I began hosting!" Tamaki said with enthusiasm as a tear fell down his cheek causing the audience to awww.

"Do you even remember her name?" Kyouya deadpanned.

"….uh…of course I remember my dearest and most precious blossoms name…I just don't want the past to corrupt the present since I have so many lovely clients now." Tamaki stuttered out trying to regain his composure.

"Nice save milord." The twins said in unison with thumbs up.

Zell-Chan:ZZZZZZZZZ (giggle)ZZZZZZZZZ( bishonen…where are you?)ZZZZZZZZ (giggle)

"It seems our hostess is in acoma." Kyouya said irritably.

"I'll wake her up!" Hunny smiled as he bounced over and gently nudged her awake.

Zell-Chan: Hmmm?...He's done? (looks at watch) And its within the hour too?! Wow I'm susprised. (Yawns) Guess I'll move on. Arigato Hunny.

"No problem." Hunny chimed with a cute tilt of his head as he made his way back to his place in the studio.

Zell-Chan: Oh wait right there Hunny, it seems we have two comments for you specifically.

AyameiLee also ask if you'll go out with her, and Moonlit summer night confess's her undying love for you and ask if you'll marry her if she gives you all the wedding cake.

"Ohhh cake…." Hunny zones out with his mouth in a cute sugary "O"

Zell-Chan: Don't worry girls since it seems our blond friend is in a coma like state from the idea of cake you will be rewarded with a brand new puppy and cookie! the puppy should arrive in 4-5 business days and the cookie should arrive in 10 business days, enjoy!

"I'm the main character of this love drama why does Hunny get the first love confessions?" Tamaki whines.

Zell-Chan: Cuse he's 18, full of energy, willing to eat anything that has wipcream on it, and he has a dark side and the skills to kick anyone's ass. So most girls will see those traits to equal awesome in bed.

The entire studio gasp and Hunny's eyes are as wide as a bug.

Zell-Chan: Just kidding lets move on to the last questions for the day! Moonlit Summer Night also writes:

_I would like to know Haruhi, why haven't you made a move on Tamaki yet? _

_Mori, why don't you talk much? _

_Tamaki, why is Kyouya your best friend?_

_That's it. Thanks._

"…Move on Tamaki-Sempai? What kind of move are you talking about?" Haruhi asks with confusion riddling her voice.

Meanwhile Tamaki is mumbling to himself in his own mind theatre and blushing mumbling something about "Only us here….my darling….why so forward?...heh..heh..he"

Zell-Chan: (shake's head) Lets move on to the next question which I'm sure will be quickly answered. Mori why don't you talk much?

"It's not that I don't talk much it's more of the fact there is nothing for me to say or I can't get a word in edgewise. I like to keep my opinion to myself anyways so it doesn't bother me much. I've been friends with Mitsukuni so long that he understands my quietness for what it is and has been able to interpret anything I might want to say but don't to spare others feelings and says it for me, so there is no true need for me to talk. I hope that answers that question fully." Mori said intelligently and evenly without pausing.

Zell-chan: OO…….

Audience: OO….

Fellow host except for Hunny: OO….

Takashi sweat drops and clears his throat.

"…uh." He sighs earning an exhale from everyone around him.

Zell-Chan: I think everyone can agree with me when some things should be left unsaid. Now moving on to the last question, why is Kyouya your best friend Tamaki?

"He is my best friend because he understands how hard it is to live in a world being scorned for you looks and charm, he understand the pain I went through trying to fit in when I came here, and above all Kyouya has always taken care of me when I felt I was down." Tamaki cried in tears of joy.

Zell-Chan: Anything you want to add to that Kyouya?

"I would like to inform everyone that anything said by him in no way reflects on my opinions or way of thinking at all." Kyouya said with a slight twitch as he pushed his glasses up.

"Mommy's so cruel." Tamaki pouted.

"Idiot" Kyouya sighs as he pushes Tamaki away who is trying desperately to hug him.

Zell-Chan: ( turns around completely ignoring the squabble behind her)Well that's all the questions for today,but please keep your comments and questions coming because tomorrow were going to get down to the truth about Kyouya and Tamaki's sexcapades…

"OUR WHAT?!!!!" Tamaki and Kyouya shout.

Zell-Chan: (waving and ignoring the demonic figure of Kyouya Ootori behind her) Until next time on:

ASK A HOST!!!


	3. second round of questions

Hello everyone! it seems I've been flooded with questions for our host so I've decided to have 2 updates a week so it wont take away from my stories. Keep on sending them in because I wont end this until I've finished my last story for OHHC. thank you all. And this was filmed in front of a live studio audience lol

Zell-Chan: Hello, hello, hello everyone! I hope your in a good mood like I am because were starting off today's show with a little spice! Kait who is a dear friend of mine asks:

_Hm 3 What does Kyouya think on all this M rated yaio with Tamaki. if ya get my drift XD_

The crowd squeals excitedly as all eyes are on Tamaki and Kyouya.

"What are you talking about?" Kyouya asked with a raised eyebrow.

Zell-Chan: Don't tell me you haven't heard all the stories and rumors about the "relationship" between you and Tamaki?

"I assure you if I was aware of such rumors I would have them promptly squashed." Kyouya deadpanned.

Zell-Chan: (evil grin) Oh this is going to be fun. Oi! Jeff bring in the yaoi!

The beeping of a large industrial sized forklift as it enters the studio carrying a humongous stack of paper can be heard all around as it stops right next to Kyouya and drops the bundle successfully burying his legs in it.

"May I ask what all this is? And who it belongs to so that I may make a few calls." Kyouya says with a glare.

Zell-Chan: (waaaay to happy to piss Kyouya off) Why Kyouya, that's all the stories of you and Tamaki….well all the ones written in English on this side of the world and not written by Renge because we couldn't afford to airlift ALL of the stories of you two.

"Wow Kyouya-Sempai... we didn't know you were so kinky." The twins said in unison as they picked up a very graphic yaoi picture that sent chills down their spines.

"Mommy wouldn't do that to daddy…right?" Tamaki asked a tad scared as Kyouya glared at him.

"Though I cannot control the idiocy of fangirls who have writing and drawing abilities, I can however let the world know that I am not happy about this."Kyoya said through clenched teeth.

Zell-Chan: I hope you know that picture was drawn by a guy.

Kyouya stopped all motion even breathing as he became as pale as Tamaki.

Zell-Chan: lets move on to the next question shall we?

From Lindsay-Chan

_I would like to ask 1) Tamaki the meaning of life and 2) Mori the meaning of cake. lol_

(groan) Ok I'm going to listen to my CD while you answer this one Tamaki.

"Ahh the meaning of life. Many scholars have fought over the meaning for centuries can be simply answered with one word: love. Love which keeps up together and can heal the most grievous of wounds, love which will lift us up where we belong! As a mere mortal I can only gasp in wonder at how the gods came up with such an idea but I am thankful everyday for it. To wrap your arms around the one you love and know that they are yours and yours alone…." Tamaki rambled on and on and on and ON!

Unaware to the ranting blond the audience and his fellow host had fallen fast asleep except for Kyoya who was calling to enquire about putting hits out on fanfiction writers and artist while also making an appointment for therapy.

"…and that is how I was born and all because of love." Tamaki finished with a dramatic pause.

Zell-chan:  (singing) I'm a love addict love addict! (yawn) oh Tamaki are you done? Well I better wake everyone up. WAKE UPPPPPPPP!!!!! Now that I have everyone's attention it is time for Mori to answer his question which I think would much be better suited for his smaller companion but I don't make the questions now do I,(sigh) so what is the meaning of cake?

"…it's sweet." Takashi deadpanned to no one's surprise.

Zell-Chan: If only you weren't type-cast as the stoic and silent character.

"Your telling me." Takashi mumbled to himself.

Zell-Chan: Alright wow OO seems we have a lot of questions from fightingpheonix36 who wrote:

_Okay, I would like to express my undying love for...well, every single one of the hosts to be completely honest. And as for questions, hm..._

_1. Hikaru and Kaoru, do you think the two of you will ever get married? And I don't mean to each other, just to clarify._

_2. Mori, have you ever had to make some kind of speech or oral presentation in front of a class?_

_3. Hunny, do you have any cavities or do you just brush really well?_

_4. Tamaki, what are you thinking at the moment? Does it involve Haruhi? Or something having to do with "commoners"?_

_5. Haruhi, If your debt was randomly completely gone right now, would you stay in the host club?_

_6. Kyouya, when is the last time you hugged someone?_

Wow that's a lot of questions. Lets answer them in order so first Hikaru, Kaoru?

"I never really thought about getting married to be honest." Hikaru said nodding his head as he thought about it.

"I doubt there are two women in this world that could tell us apart anyway." Kaoru chuckled as his brother and himself glances Haruhi's way.

"I'm happy with just holding my brother on cold lonely nights." Hikaru crooned earning a blush from Kaoru and a squeal from the audience.

Zell-Chan:  We need the medics again! Heesh their acting like they haven't seen two guys act all gay before, lets start a brotherly love counter to see how many brotherly love scenes we witness before this things is through it would be interesting to see if nosebleeds increase or decrease the more scenes are shown. Ok now for Mori's question. Have you ever had to make a speech or oral presentation?

"…No." Takashi deadpanned yet again.

Zell-Chan: I feel for you man I really do. Now Hunny! Any cavities?

"Well I had one before that heart really bad and made it so I couldn't eat any sweets, but its filled up and I've been brushing extra good so I don't get another one." Hunny chirped with a big smile earning an awe from the audience.

Zell-Chan: Well wasent that cute. -- ugh….ok Tamaki what are you thinking right now and does it involve Haruhi or commoners?

"I was just thinking how scary the thoughts of these fangirls really are." Tamaki says somewhat to himself as his eyes widen and he shakes from reading one of the fanfictions that have fallen from Kyoya's side to his.

"Will you stop reading this smut!" Kyoya glared ripping the paper from Tamaki.

"Oh my god! This is how fanfiction starts!" Tamaki all but cried as he runs off to a corner.

Zell-Chan: Is it bad that I like him all scared like that? Well anyway lets move on to Haruhi's question. If your debt was completely gone would you stay in the host club?

"Hmm, I doubt my debt would ever go away since Kyoya-sempai always finds reasons to add to it but…I think I would stay in the host club. I've grown quite accustomed to it and it would be such a hassle trying to stay away from these guys." Haruhi says in her usual natural charming way.

"Aww my darling daughter never wants to leave daddys side!!!" Tamaki chirps as he grabs Haruhi and hugs her tight spinning in circles.

"Did you hear that Hikaru?"

"I did Kaoru, she said it would be a hassle trying to stay away from us. That can only mean she's fallen for us." Hikaru teased.

"What I meant was that I know even if I did leave the club you all would never stop bothering me." Haruhi deadpanned in her usual way crushing the boys utterly.

Zell-Chan: (laughing her butt off) Well it seems like our host are going to all but cry. So lets end our show with the final question: Kyoya when was the last time you hugged someone?

"Judging by these fanfictions it seems I don't hug I just molest and …my god! Do girls really think of this stuff?" Kyoya said with disgust and slight interest as he turned the pages to another fanfiction.

Zell-Chan: oh yes, yes we do. And here's our final question for the day coming from

1FujiEijiLover  who wrote:

_This question is for Kaoru, One of my friends is obsessed with you. And, she told me to tell you can she have your autograph as I want one too._

Will you fulfill this simple request?

"I guess so." Kaoru says with surprised smile as he signs two pieces of paper.

"When did you become more popular than me?" Hikaru asks in shock.

"Don't blame me Hikaru I never meant to hurt you!" Kaoru croons as he holds his brother close.

"It's ok Kaoru, I know that your mine and mine alone." Hikaru says as he cups his brothers chin.

Zell-Chan: Medics!!! You know what just stay out here because I'm going to kill the next girl who nose bleeds on my shoe! That goes for you to mister! -- Allright that's the end of todays show and lets check the newly installed brotherly love counter

BROTHERLY LOVE SCENES: 3

NOSEBLEEDS: 234

DEATHS: 3

Wow great job you two! (claps) well keep sending in your questions and I'll keep the host here to answer them. Tune in next time when we answer questions sent in by gigi0203 ,daftdanielle,and xxkrystalmethxx on

ASK A HOST!!!

"Tamaki I'm not going to do that to you." Kyoya yells sternly as Tamaki holds up a particular risqué picture of them both as the credits roll.

"It's only right that mommy pleases daddy!"

Zell-Chan: I love my job, see you next time! (waves)


	4. third round of questions

Zell-Chan: Welcome to the third installment of Ask A Host brought to you by the fangirlqueen herself …ME! I hope you all have had a wonderful time and have healed since the last show where we saw the beginnings of a relationship between Kyoya and Tamaki.

"I can have you killed you know that right?" Kyoya glares.

Zell-Chan: You should be glad I haven't written a yaoi…yet(giggles) Ok lets start off the show with some questions while we wait for them to come out the closet. (Can feel an icy cold glare aimed directly at her but ignores it) this question comes from one of my favorite reviewers…if only I could reply and say thanks I would be much obliged, but here's the question:

_Gigi0203_

_here's a question for kyouya...what IS your IQ? do you have ambitions for ruling the world one day? because you remind me of Cesar. And Alexandar the Great. What's your favorite book?_

_here's one for haruhi...what's YOUR IQ?_

_here's one for the twins...ever thought of auditioning of a double mint gum commercial? just for the heck of it? If you've never seen mass produced clothing before, the you must have your clothes taylor made just for you...how big IS your family's clothing line?_

_for tamaki...do you read shakespear? what about browning? emily dickenson? i know you're french, and they aren't french poets or authors, but if the answer to any of these questions is no, pick up the author. you'd love it!_

_for mori...how tired to you have to be before your true colors show?_

_for hunny...have you ever had the kitchen sink sundae?_

Nice questions gigi, now lets start off with ceasar (ahem) Kyoya.

"My IQ is frankly none of your business but I assure you that my intellect is more than adequate for my station in life. I also would like you to know I have no intention of ruling the world. My family's business spans the globe and it would be far too tiresome and there would be nothing in it for me except a headache." Kyoya sighed as he fixed his glasses.

Zell-Chan: Well that was an expected answer especially if you truly wanted to rule the world you would never just come out and say it.

Kyoya glares yet again at the hostess as many girls shiver moaning "he's so cool!"

Zell-Chan: So Kyoya what is your favorite book? 

"Since I read so much it would be hard for me to say exactly what my favorite book is but as of now I'm quite fond of "Servant leadership: A journey into the nature of legitimate power and greatness" by American author Robert K Greenleaf." Kyoya smirks.

Zell-Chan: (raises eyebrow) Okie dokie Mr. Megalomaniac. Lets move on…so Haruhi what is your IQ?

"When I took the IQ test to enter Ouran it said I was 115" Haruhi answers while tapping her chin in thought.

"My daughter's a genius!!" Tamaki shouts as he runs over to Haruhi and puts her in a bear hug.

"I'm not even close to genius…I'm no smarter than you when it comes to certain things…_acting like I care is one of them._" Haruhi says to him only to earn some tears from the blond.

Zell-Chan: (sigh) while we get the Jaws of Life to pry Haruhi from Tamaki's grasp lets asks the famous brotherly love due their question. So have you ever auditioned for a double mint gum commercial? And exactly how big is your families clothing line seeing as you never saw mass produced clothing before meeting Haruhi.

"Why would we ever audition for a double mint commercial? We're not actors." Kaoru smiles innocently.

"Though it is taking all my strength to act as if seeing your smiling face doesent bring back memories of what we did last night." Hikaru teased earning an on cue blush from Kaoru.

"Hikaru.." Kaoru whispered holding his brother close.

"Kaoru.."

Zell-Chan: Hikaru…Kaoru…Zell (sigh) now that were all introduced lets add another boy love scene to the counter and have the boys tell us how big their families clothing line really is.

"Our families clothing line is known in all 7 continents so it would be safe to say it's pretty big." Hikaru explains as he leans against his brother casually.

"Our clothes however have been made for us everyday by the family tailor since we were able to design our own clothes." Kaoru says nonchalantly.

"In fact we have a mansion next to our home that's filled with the clothes we take off everyday so that we never wear the same thing twice, it's a great place for hide and seek." Hikaru chuckles earning a glare from the hostess.

Zell-Chan: (mumbles) Spoiled rich bastards…if I had a mansion full of clothes…(realizes the camera is still rolling and puts on a smile) Well that was informative. -- Ok now for Tamaki's question. So have you heard of any of these authors?

"Such a splendid question from such a splendid creature. Yes my mere mortal eyes have beheld the works of shakespear who wrote love stories to which I wish I could live by!" Tamaki says dramatically as a spotlight shines on him.

Zell-Chan: (rolls eyes) here we go. (Gets some popcorn and sits down) --

"Oh what light through yonder window breaks! For it is the east and Juliet is my sun!" Tamaki poses earning applause from everyone around.

"You don't know any other stories from Shakespeare except Romeo&Juliet do you?" Kyoya deadpans.

Tamaki pales and quickly finds a corner to sulk in.

"Didn't think so." Kyoya says with a smirk.

Zell-Chan: did I ever mention how much I love you Kyoya? (giggles) Now it's time for the Sempai's questions. So Mori how tired do you have to be before your true colors show? And have you ever had a kitchen sink sundae Hunny?

"What do you mean? I try my best to always be sociable with all my friends. They make me laugh and mean a lot to me so there's no reason for me to act any different than usual just because I'm tired." Mori says with a bright smile.

Zell-Chan: Oo He's tired now isn't he Hunny.

"Kashi-Kun needs a nap." Hunny chirped as he handed Takashi a pillow and patted his head.

Zell-Chan: So Hunny have you ever had a kitchen sink sundae? I have to admit I've never even heard of it before.

"Hmm…I don't think so but if it's yummy and sweet I would love to try it! But not if there's a kitchen sink in it…their not tasty." Hunny bounces happily.

Zell-Chan: Yeah I know what you mean they leave a metal taste in your mouth ugh. Now time for our next questioner! Daftdanielle writes:

_Kyouya, just wanted to let you know your my favorite host. Cold. Distant. Evil...at least on the outside. Once you get past that shell(which could take forever), your really like a big, insanely-sexy, scary teddy bear. If you were real, I would trying to crack your shell right now...also I would be trying to get in your pants. Why are you so cold? Were you rasied to be that way?_

_Takashi, your my 2nd favorite host. You don't say more then you need to, you're kind and you can kick major . Your awesome ._

_Tamaki. You're an idiot. Why don't you just admit you love her? OR you could always hook-up with Kyouya. You guys would make a hott couple. Of course, I also like Kaoru with Kyouya..._

_Hikaru. You and Kaoru have a prety sweet act. But you coold be a little less -ish._

_Kaoru, you're pretty awesome, setting up Hikaru and Haruhi on a date. Even if it hurts you that you and Hikaru are drifting apart. Is your act really an act, or is it for real? Cause if it's for real, thats hott, and can I join in sometime? lol_

_Huni, I baked a giant sugar-cookie-cake-thing...do you want it?_

_Haruhi, your awesome, you somehow deal with Tamaki's idiot-ness, Kyouya's coldness, Hunis hyperness, the twins antics, and balence school work. All without killing and/or serious injuring any of them, how do you do it? And, if you had to choose between Kyouya, Tamaki or Mori, who would you pick and why?_

_Your Loyal and Somewhat Crazy Fangirl,_

_DaftDanielle_

Ohhh well lets start off with Mr. cold, distant, and evil.

"What does she mean if I were real? I swear the intelligence of fangirls dwindles with every shriek." Kyoya sighs as he shakes his head and folds his arms.

Zell-Chan: As queen of the fangirls I take great offence to that! If you keep it up I'll make sure my next story is a yaoi between you and Tamaki and believe me you wont be the seme. (glare)

Kyoya clears his throat and puts on his host club demeanor again.

"I would like it to be made clear that I am not cold, I merely refuse to lower my intelligence to fit those around me. My father did not raise an idiot."

"What's a Seme?" Tamaki asks with puppy dog eye's which causes Kyoya to twitch in aggravation.

Zell-Chan: (giggles) I'll tell you after the shows over Tamaki. now for the question for Tamaki (evil grin) Why don't you admit your love? And why not hook up with Kyoya he is "Mommy" after all.

"Admit my love for who? I love all the precious beauties out there who allow me the joy to bask in their presence…as far as hooking up with Kyoya I admit I do not have a problem with men who love men.." Tamaki says with a charming flick of his hair which sends sparkles everywhere.

"Tamaki stop right there." Kyoya deadpans threateningly.

"As you can see Kyoya is very grumpy and though I love him as my fellow host and dearest friend it could never be more than that because I enjoy life." Tamaki says with a nervous smile.

"Good boy." Kyoya smirks.

Zell-Chan: For those of you who couldn't understand that it basically means he enjoys breathing to much to date Kyoya. Although now I can totally see where the leather and bondage comes from in those fanfictions between you two. (receives evil glare from Kyoya and a swat team seems to circle the building) Now for the question every fangirl squeals at the thought of. Is the brotherly love thing all an act? and could a girl ever join in if it was real?

"We're brothers why wouldn't we love each other?" Hikaru chuckles.

"Oh Hikaru.." Kaoru blushes.

"To hold your brother in your arms who shares the same face as yours as he whispers your name." Hikaru sighs as he caresses his brother's chin in a shower of roses and sparkles.

The medic team is quick to respond as many fangirls convulse from lack of blood all around in the audience and the hostess is in need of oxygen.

Zell-Chan: (gasping for air) So much love! So would a girl be able to get some time with you two?

"If she can tell us apart" Hikaru and Kaoru say simultaneously as they wink at Haruhi.

Zell-Chan: o0

"Zell is down! Get some oxygen for her stat!" The medic squad leader yells as paramedics hurry with an oxygen tank.

Zell-Chan: (a slight woozy but otherwise fine) Wait you guys never answered if it was an act!

Hikaru and Kaoru just shrug and laugh.

Zell-Chan: -- your evil you know that? Well lets continue this before we loose the entire female fan base in a shower of bloody noses.(sigh) It seems a large sugar-cookie-cake thing came with the questions want it?

The blond boy's eyes widen as he see's a large cookie-cake thingy come out on stage and passes his bunny to Takashi while he jumps on it devouring it with 3 gulps then sighs in a cute way as he pats his stomach.

Zell-Chan: Oo okkkkk. Last question! How do you handle all of your fellow host and if you could pick one which one would you pick Haruhi?

"Well it's not that hard to deal with them once you get to know each of them. I kind of know what to expect now so it's not a big deal. And as far as picking them…" Haruhi thinks to herself while unbeknownst to her all the host are holding their breath.

"I think it depends on what I need them for. Hunny-Sempai would be a great math tutor, Kaoru and Hikaru would be good for clothing advice if I ever needed it. Takashi-Sempai is very good at lifting me up when I need to get to high places, I would definitely go to Kyoya sempai for medical advice or accounting advice and Tamaki-Sempai.." Haruhi pauses.

Tamaki waits with baited breath as he bites his nails in hope and nervousness.

"Tamaki-Sempai is a great tutor for French since he is half." Haruhi smiles using her natural charm to woo half the audience.

"Did you hear that Mommy! Haruhi likes me!!" Tamaki yells

"I didn't say I liked you I said you're a good tutor for French since you were raised there after all." Haruhi deadpans causing Tamaki to slowly turn to dust in anguish.

Zell-Chan: Well that's our show for today so lets see the brotherly love count so far!

BROTHERLY LOVE SCENES: 5

NOSEBLEEDS: 400

DEATHS: 9

Good job boys! Ok that's it for now but keep sending in your questions and remember to…

ASK A HOST!

As the credits role Zell-Chan whispers something in Tamaki's ear.

"THAT'S A SEME!" Tamaki yells out loud.

Kyoya groans as he squeezes the bridge of his nose. " Baka!"

Zell-Chan: See you next time (waves)

"May I see you for a moment dear hostess." Kyoya says with a smile

Zell-Chan runs for her life knowing the smile of a demon cannot be good.


	5. fourth round of questions

Hello again everyone just want you to know I am posting the questions in the order I received them and if they go along with each other so be patient because I will write you to let you know when your question will be answered

Zell-Chan:  Konnichiwa everyone and welcome yet again to "Ask A Host". As you may remember the last episode ended with me running for my life from a smiling demon lord, but I have come back with a vengeance…and a sugar rush which makes me unafraid of anyone!

"We'll see about that." Kyoya muses.

ZelL-Chan: Yeah,yeah,yeah Mr.Uke. Lets get this party started! Our first question is from _XxkrystalmethxX _who writes:

_my question is to the twins please marry me LOL and why do you believe mind games are fun other than the obvious?_

I should make it known that the host have pre-declined all marriage proposals (except Tamaki) but you will still receive a puppy or kitten of your choice and a chocolate chip cookie from our sponsor "Cookies And Cuties R' Us." Please wait 10 to 15 business days for the delivery as the twins answer your question .

"Now why in the world would we play mind games?" Kaoru ask's as the picture of pure innocence.

"Even if we did it wouldn't be fun because of the game but because it's a Baka playing." Hikaru chuckled earning a snicker from Kaoru.

"Don't even try to act innocent you lecherous leeches!" Tamaki yells dramatically.

"And as you can see he's our resident Baka." The twins say in unison causing the audience to laugh and Tamaki to go to a corner.

Zell-Chan: Poor, poor Tamaki…. now on with our next question from _Sen-Saruwatari _who writes:

_Big Fan of Twins Here! I love having to be the only one to_

_tell_

_them apart. It's so much fun watching others get confused by who is_

_who; but_

_I know. -_

_For Hikaru and Kaoru: Have they ever met, have been related to, or are_

_reincarnations of Fred and George Weasley?_

_For All the hosts but Haruhi cuz this is an odd question for_

_"HIM"winks:What is your ideal girlfriend/wife? (Note: YOu can not_

_choose_

_everybody Tamaki. The costumers would have problems sharing!!_

_Why is there no Hunni/Haruhi stories? Is Haruhi not good enough for_

_you_

_Hunni? Is Hunni not good enough for ya Haruhi? _

_For all, who was your first kiss and how did you feel about it? If you_

_still_

_haven't had your first kiss than who would you wish for your first kiss_

_to be?_

_(MUST ANSWER QUESTION KYOUYA! Don't you dare say that "It's not of_

_your_

_buseness or I'll send you by Flaming Masrhmallow men to attack and burn_

_all_

_your profits! evil grin It's not like I haven't done it before.)_

_Last question: What is your plans after High school? Do you all plan_

_to go_

_to the same college and make a Host Club there?_

Ohh good questions. So are you two related to the potter hotties?

"Those English twits!" Hikaru yelled angrily.

"Calm down Hikaru. We met them once when our family had a fashion show in London…lets just say it didn't turn out well." Kaoru said sadly.

"They were high off their butts and thought they had magical powers!" Hikaru was livid.

"They ran at us with sticks and ended up having to be escorted away by security when they were about to set the fashion show on fire because some he-who-must-not-be-named was there." Kaoru remembered with a shiver.

Zell-Chan: O…..k um…lets move on. So let's find out what everyone's (except Haurhi) ideal wife or girlfriend would be.

"She has to be smart and patient. I don't think I would be able to stand another Baka in my life." Kyoya deadpanned.

"She should be able to tell the difference between us and let us play with her anytime we want." The twins said in unison with a snicker sending a wink Haruhi's way.

"I know the difference!"

"You can play with me all the time!" Random girls shout in the audience.

Zell-Chan: Ladies settle down before I have you all chained to your seats!

"Kinky" Hikaru muses making more fangirls faint.

Zell-Chan: --You two are so paying the medical bills for this! Tamaki, Hunny,Mori what's your ideal girlfriend or wife?

"She would have hair the color of chocolate and anytime her eyes fall on me I would feel like I'm floating among the stars as I realize just how lucky I am to have her as mine.We would have lots and lots of children and she would welcome me with open arms and make fresh bento boxes for me before work." Tamaki crooned causing an awe across the crowd.

"She would be sweet like cake and nice, she wouldn't see me as a little kid." Hunny chirped with a nostalgic smile.

Zell-Chan:  Aww that's so cute I really hope you find that special "girl" (winks at Haruhi) So Tamaki what is your ideal girlfriend/wife like?

"…cute." Takashi deadpanned causing some fainting among his shy followers.

Zell-Chan: So the next question seems to be why there are no Haruhi/Hunny stories. (for your info you can find some on lol) Is Hunny really not good enough for you Haruhi? And is Haruhi not good enough for you Hunny?

Both teens questioned looked at each other with a confused look on their face.

"I have no problems with Hunny-Sempai…what kind of stories are there supposed to be between us?" Haruhi asked wondering if Hunny had the answer.

The blond boy merely smiled and bounced over giving Haruhi a kiss to the cheek much to the anger of the twins and Tamaki who watched with glares.

"I like Haru-Chan! I can wait till she's old enough." Hunny said somewhat darkly witch sent a shiver to everyone around except Haruhi who just didn't get stuff like that.

Zell-Chan: I'll take your word on that…ok so the next question is how was your first kiss everyone? And it seems Kyoya must answer or flaming…marshmallow men will attack his profits.

"Even if I did believe in flaming marshmallow men I still refuse to answer." Kyouya says in a somewhat threatening tone.

Suddenly a large grown is heard in the audience as out comes a flaming marshmallow man holding Ootori stock in his hands!

"You've got to be kidding me." Kyoya sighs as he dials a number on his cell phone and suddenly police drop from the ceiling and extinguish the marshmallow man successfully removing the Ootori stock from his hands.

Zell-Chan: I'll take that as a no comment then?

"If you want to continue this circus of a show then yes." Kyoya glared.

Zell-Chan: -- (mumbles) that's the last time I get you laid in a het fanfiction you ungrateful..&&$...thats it yaoi here I come and I'm bringing an Ootori with me. (suddenly realizes yet again she is still on camera) well could we expect any less from the great Ootori heir! (nervous giggle) Now lets ask Haruhi how his first kiss was.

"I guess it was ok even though it wasn't really planned. I think I would have preferred that it was someone of my choosing instead of someone I barely knew." Haruhi said ending with a glare towards Kyoya and Tamaki who started crying and running to his corner yet again.

Zell-Chan: (asking a producer) can we get a little snack over there for him or maybe some crayons or something? Because I have a feeling he's going to be in that corner a lot throughout this show. Ok! Now let's ask the lovable devilish twins if they had their first kiss and how was it.

"Hmm I don't think we've had our first kiss yet." Kaoru says after thinking about it a bit.

"That is unless you count last night." Hikaru coo's as he holds his brother's chin in his hand.

"But Hikaru I thought you said you weren't going to say anything." Kaoru blushes.

Zell-Chan: -- THAT'S IT! ANSWER THE QUESTION OR SO HELP ME GOD YOU TWO WILL BE LUCKY TO BE IN YURI FICS BY THE TIME I'M DONE!

"We haven't had our first kiss ma'am. We would like it to be with someone we both like" Hikaru an Kaoru say in unison as they shiver in fear from the angered hostess.

Kyoya on the other hand takes down some notes with a smirk.

Zell-Chan: Now that was easy wasn't it On to the oldest of the group. I'm quite curious to know if either of you have had your first kiss.

"I never had my first kiss, but I want it to be with a sweet a cute girl!" Hunny chimed earning an awe from the audience.

Takashi however sat silent and unmoving as everyone in the audience including his fellow host stared at him wanting to know if he ever kissed a girl causing said stoic man to sweat nervously.

"…no." Was all he said as everyone nodded in understanding causing him to breath a sigh of relief from all the attention.

Zell-Chan:  Cant expect any less now can we (giggle) alright now Takashi…have you kissed a girl and if you haven't who would you want it to be with?

"Alass this mere prince has not found the princess to which he can bestow his first kiss. I do hope it will be with a princess who I can love for years to come." Tamaki says smoothly as he winks at the audience causing some to swoon.

Zell-Chan: Well that was entertaining (rolls eyes) Ok now to answer the last question: What do you all plan to do after highschool?

There seemed to be a sudden hush amongst the host as they seemed to think and Tamaki opened and closed his mouth like a gaping fish without any words coming out. It was obvious they never thought about what life would be after highschool.

"It doesn't really matter what happens after we graduate…" Haruhi interjected after a long moment of thought causing all the host to look at her with confusion and hurt on their faces.

"…we may go to different colleges or even leave the country but if we really want to stay friends something as silly as distance wont stop us. I already know distance means nothing to these guys and I'm expecting a lot of calls and surprise visits after highschool." Haruhi said with a tinge of finality in her voice because she knew they would never EVER leave her alone even if she moved away.

"Oh Haruhi!" Tamaki squealed as he rushed over to her with arms opened wide only to be stopped by the twins hugging her first causing an argument to in sue.

Zell-Chan:  Well wasn't that refreshing? That's the end of today's episode and I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. Now I must be off to get some yaoi for Tamaki, keep sending in your questions and remember to:

**ASK A HOST!**

As the credits roll Kyoya can be seen grabbing Tamaki with a glare.

"Why do you want yaoi?" He asks with a tensed expression on his face.

"Well if Daddy wants to be a good seme he has to do research." Tamaki smiles.

"SEME! Zell-Chan my dear hostess would you care to explain this?"

"It's pretty simple…you're the bottom Mr.Uke." Zell grins only to falter as she see's Kyoya came a phone call.

Zell is seen running away from Kyoya's police force screaming for her life.


	6. fifth round of questions

I was a tad confuzzled when reading the questions left in the review page so i'm sorry if i skipped anyone and dont worry i will try to rectify and make sure i dont miss anyone elses questions

Zell-Chan: (stands triumphantly on the bodies of Ootori police) By the power of all that is fangirl I am triumphant!

"Please be quiet and do your job." Kyoya snaps.

Zell-Chan: Somone's a tad grumpy heesh. (gets off the bodies and mumbles a thanks for their participation as they get up and dust off their clothes commenting how they love the show.) Ok welcome everyone again to yet another episode of ask a host. As always I'm your host Zell-Chan and our first questioner of the day is _Simplelovex_ Who wrote this after the first chapter but it seems I missed it and I'm terribly sorry. _Simplelovex _wrote:

_My first question goes to Kyouya- tries not to noseblood_

_If i was an heiress to a huge company, and you had a choice between marrying me or Haruhi, who would you chose ? has hopeful eyes_

_[also, i dislike KyoTama. I can't imagine seeing you with Tamaki D:_

_Now Hunny-_

_Have you killed someone by accident with your karate skills ?_

_For Hikaru&Kaoru-_

_What is your favorite cosplay from the Host club ?_

_To Haruhi-_

_Did you cry when you had to cut your long hair because of the gum ?_

_Tamaki-_

_Would you rather have peace or love in the world ?_

_Mori-_

_Hello:D_

"I thought I made it clear that all marriage proposals would be turned down when asked. Obviously you are not a heiress for a huge company otherwise your upbringing would teach you better than to ask such a simple question. I however am thankful you have enough sanity to see that me and Tamaki are nothing but friends." Kyouya says straight and to the point which causes a cold wind chill to cover the audience.

Zell-Chan: Heesh it was just a question, someone needs a hug. (pouts)

"Touch me and I assure you pain will fallow"

Zell-Chan: o0 okie dokie moving on…now Hunny have you ever killed anyone with your karate skills?

"Karate is about self defense not murder…" Hunny answers darkly.

Zell-chan:……OO

"…why would anyone think I could kill someone?" Hunny pouts as tears form in his eyes which makes Mori shake Bun-Bun in front of him to calm him down.

Zell-Chan: Sooo kawaiii For shame! thinking that Hunny could hurt a fly (shakes head in shame) So Hikaru and Kaoru what is your favorite cosplay from the host club?

"Twin angels on halloween." The twins grin.

"That's when we got to dress Haruhi up as a witch and she danced with us." Kaoru smiles.

"Though I must say you looked a lot better out of the costume then in it Kaoru." Hikaru whispers as he cups his brothers chin.

"Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" A random fangirl screams as she literally dies from blood loss.

Zell-Chan: -- I hope she signed the "nosebleed" waver when she bought her ticket. (sighs) So Haruhi did you cry when you cut your long hair because of the gum?

"Why would I cry over something like that? It's easier for me to take care of it now that it's shorter anyway." Haruhi answers with a shrug.

"Haruhi-Kun had long hair!! Eeek! I bet he was a god!" Renge screams as she starts drawing fanart.

Zell-Chan: Remember all fanart and fanfiction produced during this show must give 50 to the club and 30 to me. (watches renge nod and continue drawing like a mad woman..which she is) Ok now for the most rhetorical question in the world…-- so Tamaki would you rather have peace or love in the world?

"Oh my darling hostess isn't it obvious that if there is love in the world there will always be peace?" Tamaki sparkles.

Zell-Chan: (glares almost as cold as Kyoya) Just get on with it we don't have all day!

"You see if there was more love in the world we would all be embracing right now! The world would know of the host club and we would tour spreading our good looks all around for all to see and maybe…just maybe change the world." Tamaki suddenly gets a fire in his eyes.

"Here he goes again…" The twins sigh as they get some popcorn and watch Tamaki's tirade.

"YES! If we toured the world spreading our love all around we could bring peace and no longer would we bear the burden of being the few who see true beauty around us! We will bring about an end to violence! An end to INJUSTICE! WE COULD UNITE ALL RACES AND DESTROY THE BRIDGES OF HATE AND ANGER!"

"We would also loose respect, our fortunes, and be shunned by the world which thrives on differences and unrest." Kyoya deadpans causing Tamaki to crumble and float away to his corner.

Zell-Chan: Clean up isle 10! Someone please get a dustpan to pick up Tamaki. Now for Mori…hello .

Mori raises and eyebrow questioningly.

"…hello."

Zell-Chan: as thorough as ever Takashi. now on to our next questioner is _hannahsheep _who writes:

_Alright, I've got a question!_

_It's for everyone:_

_What is your most memorable moment in your life? (so far)_

Why do I have the feeling that this will not end well? Let's start off with…(see's Tamaki raising his hand energetically)….Hunny!

"My most memorable moment is when I had my first piece of cake when I was 5 years old. It was strawberry crème with little chocolate swirls." Hunny all but drools at the memory.

Zell-Chan: aww? Ok next memorable moment…(Tamaki is now on his chair raising his hand)…Takashi!

"…When I met Mitsukuni."

Everyone in the audience awe's and applauds the sheer cuteness of the statement as Hunny hugs Mori who is obviously embarrassed.

Zell-Chan: That was sweet next is….(Tamaki is now making puppy dog eyes) …Haruhi!

" It wouldn't be right for me to label one moment in my life as the best so far because then they would constantly be replaced. I think I've had a great life so far though." Haruhi answers straight to the point.

"Isn't my daughter so insightful!" Tamaki croons.

Zell-Chan: I think that was a reasonable answer Now let's ask (Tamaki has stood up and is right in front of zell's face) Hikaru and Kaoru!

"The day I saw my brother blush for the first time." Hikaru whispers while looking into Kaoru's eyes.

"The day you gave me a reason to blush…Hikaru."

"Kaoru.."

"Hikaru…" They whisper.

Zell-Chan: I'm all for yaoi but this is just getting annoying --. Alright why don't you go Tamaki.

Tamaki looks up after giving into the fact he would never get called.

"Me?"

Zell-Chan: Is there any other Tamaki here? Hurry up and answer before I change my mind.

"The most memorable moment in my life so far is when I was 5 and my father was visiting my mother in France. I was coming back from school and I saw them hugging. There was so much love in just that simple gesture that I decided then and there to make it my mission to bring love into the world." Tamaki says somewhat dreamily causing everyone to look at him weird.

Zell-Chan: …wow Tamaki, that was …sweet. I think I misjudged you and for that I'm sorry.

"I believe that was an episode of the soap opera Lovers Love Lane that you love watching so much Tamaki." Kyoya deadpans with a smirk.

"..Oh yeah your right Kyoya. Well then I guess the most memorable moment in my life is when I watched that show. It's so dramatic!"

Zell-Chan: -- I take back what I said. Tamaki, you're an idiot. (sighs) Ok last but not least Kyoya!

"The most memorable moment in my life is when I met Tamaki actually."

Zell-Chan: 00 Really?!

"Yes. Before then I did not have constant headaches nor did I suddenly have 3 kids and earn the nickname Mommy." Kyoya answers with a tad bit of resentment.

"Mommy you have headaches! Let daddy give you a massage!"

"Don't touch me. I refuse to give idiotic fangirls anymore reasons to believe were more than friends."

Zell-Chan: Well that was exciting! Tune in next time when we answer more of your questions on:

**ASK A HOST!!!!!**

Brotherly love scenes: 8

Nosebleeds: 498

Deaths: 13

Zell-Chan: 00 Wow you two seem to be on a roll!

" The bad part is we don't even have to try." Hikaru chuckles.

"I do feel bad so many girls are dying because of us." Kaoru says worridly.

"If they cant stand the heat then they shouldn't be looking ne Kaoru?" Hikaru says pushing his brother down on a couch.

Zell-Chan: (gets a firehose and sprays the twins) Down boys down!

"Oh my god their wet eeek!!!!!!!" Fangirls all around start screaming and blood is starting to fill the room.

"What have you done!" Hikaru screams at Zell.

"Don't you know our brotherly love is most powerful when you add water?!" Kaoru says as he hides behind his brother.

Zell-Chan: I didn't know I didn't know! (ushers the host out of the studio and runs for her life as girls and some boys are dropping left and right from lack of blood) see you all next time! (waves and continues running)


	7. sorry

_**(a/n:**_** ok everyone listen up because I'm only letting you read this once lol.**

**school starts soon and I still have to get ready so I have little to no time to write.**

**because of that this will be on hiatus HOWEVER I will continue to write when I find pockets of time and post most likely on Sunday's after I get settled back into school. I do PROMISE to update at least once before September 10****th**** I know you will be upset and I deserve your anger I really do but it cant be helped…..**

**unless you kidnap me and pay me not to go to school :D**

**a girl can dream cant she?) zell-chan **

**I'M SO SORRY EVERYONE!**


	8. sixth round of questions

Zell-Chan: hello everyone and welcome back! (laughs nervously and scratches her head) as you may remember the last show ended with us running for our lives as the studio started filling with blood from numerous fangirls and fanboys. Luckily the studio has been cleaned and we can now resume our regular programming.

"When you wet a bishonen our sexiness doubles! Add brotherly love to that and you can cause a catatonic state! What in the world possessed you to wet us with a hose?" Hikaru yells at zell.

Zell-Chan: I was just trying to calm you two down before things got out of hand heesh! I saw you two wet and I didn't go all hemorrhaging.

"That's because you're a pervert and your used to it." Both twins deadpan.

Zell-Chan: ….OO (distracts everyone who expects her to say something to that) OK! Lets have a moment of silence for the deceased as we tally up the twins stats.

Brotherly love scenes: 9

Nosebleeds: 801

Deaths: 313

Zell-Chan: They will be missed. Now on to our next questioner! _Coolperson _writes:

_Hi everyone! ok...first i would like to know if tamaki is ever going to confess his true love for haruhi. second, i would like to know if the twins are really gay, or is all just an act for the girls? and third, i would like to know if any of the hosts know what would happen if you light a glow stick on fire. will it just burn, or explode, or what?_

Good questions, good questions. So Tamaki what's your answer?

"I confess my love for my daughter everyday! Why would anyone question it?" Tamaki asked with a confused puppy pout.

"_Idiot"_ Kyoya deadpans with a shake of his head.

Zell-Chan: (sigh) I hope you know your making a bad image for blonds everywhere Tamaki. Ok now for the twins! so are you two really butt buddies or is that all an act to get the girls all hot and bothered?

"If Haruhi agreed to sleep in our bed…" Hikaru croons wrapping his arm around Haruhi's waist.

"…we could have a witness..or participant to put all those rumors to rest." Kaoru fishes as he wraps his arms around Haruhi's shoulder.

"Again, I don't want to know what you two do in bed." Haruhi deadpans.

"EEK! Haruhi-Kun and the Hitachiin's in bed!!" Another random fangirl squeals before she drops dead.

Zell-Chan: THAT'S IT ANY FANGIRL WHO CANT HANDLE A LITTLE YAOI WITHOUT DYING IS GOING TO FORCED TO LEAVE THIS INSTINT! (seething) do you understand?

everyone: OO

A few fangirls cower in terror and leave after gushing blood in tears for having to miss the brotherly love.

"I must say I'm impressed." Kyoya says with a smirk.

Zell-Chan: (blushing) thanks Kyoya…(coughs) I just needed to get that off my chest before we continued. Now for the last question! Do any of you know what would happen to a glow stick if it lights on…fire?

……

…..

…..

…..

……

………………..

… "It melts the plastic until it reaches the liquid then it explodes in flame." Hunny answers somewhat darkly.

Zell-Chan: (mumbles) God he's smexy when he gets all dark like that!

Everyone stares at our hostess including Hunny who is bug-eyed.

Zell-Chan: -- you heard nothing! Now lets move on to our next questioner!

_I play wid fir3_ writes:

_Q: My sister would like to know what all of you would do if you were in a sea of commoner fangirls?_

_Can I have a Tamaki plushie? It's for my friend, who is constantly 'lusting' for Tamaki, and considers him to be a 'seme', so WATCH YOUR BACK TAMAKI! She pounces. XD_

You know it's fangirls like that, that make it so hard for me to find a good bishonen. I never surround…I isolate . So lets have Kyoya answer first.

"I assure you I would never allow myself to be surrounded so easily, and if that were to happen I assure you my police force would eliminate that problem quickly."

Zell-Chan: Obviously you have never felt the sheer force of a fangirl on sugar let alone a group….ATTACK!

Suddenly a group of sugar crazed fangirls appear out of the shadows around Kyoya's chair and engulf him.

"What the….!" Was all that was heard of him before he could no longer be seen or heard.

Zell-Chan: Don't be too hard on him girls, gotta leave some for the rest of us. (giggles) So why don't we have Hunny answer next.

Hunny looks around nervously at the heap of fangirls where Kyoya used to be.

"If I was in a sea of commoner fangirls I would get to know them… and see if they have any sweets." Hunny says cheerily.

The fangirls surrounding Kyoya release him and rush over to hunny hugging him and giving him sweets and their phone number before they leave back into the shadows.

"What…was…that?!" Kyoya pants as he recovers only to find himself shirtless, hikie'd and his glasses crooked as he has to hold onto the scraps left of his pants to keep them up.

Zell-Chan: That sir was the power of fangirl. (motions for one of Kyoya's police force who are flirting with a few of the fangirls to quickly get something for Kyoya to wear.) While we asses Kyoya's damage why don't we ask Haruhi what "he" would do if he was surrounded by a sea of common fangirls.

"Well I would ask them why they were around me, because in all likely hood we are most likely headed to the same place."

Zell-Chan:  Leave it to Haruhi to simplify things. So how are you feeling Kyoya?

"Violated,very, violated." Kyoya says while trying to compose himself.

Zell-Chan: Good,good. Now Mori what would you do if surrounded by common fangirls?

"….scary." Mori sweatdrops.

Zell-Chan: aww don't worry fangirls are very gentle the first time

"…..OO"

Zell-Chan: Ok lets move on to the twins!

"If we were ever surrounded by a sea of fangirls I would reach out for my brother." Kaoru says with a pleading tone.

"Kaoru, I would never let you go. Even if we ended up dying, as long as I was in your arms I wouldent care." Hikaru croons as he holds his brother.

"Oh Hikaru!" Kaoru blushes.

Many girls in the audience start weeping as zell just rolls her eyes.

Zell-Chan:  The question was about a sea of fangirls not a sea of sharks...

Hikaru and Kaoru raise an eyebrow at the hostess.

Zell-Chan: …ok so there is no difference! Heesh! Ok last but not least Tamaki! What would you do if in a sea of common fangirls?

"My darling hostess, isn't it obvious? I would stop whatever I was doing for I know their lower class makes it so they can only witness a beauty like me once upon a lifetime." Tamaki swoons dramatically.

"_Rich bastard"_ Haruhi mumbles to herself.

Zell-Chan: Yeah whatever, ok now answer this Tamaki.(evil grin be warned) could _I play wid fir3_have a Tamaki plushie since her friend is lusting for you and considers you a _seme? _

"If the thought of owning a miniature version of me can slake a young persons lust then I would gladly give her one, since I to know the pain of my own beauty. As far as the friend who thinks I'm a seme well…" Tamaki chuckles.

"Don't you dare." Kyoya deadpans.

"Though I have never had relations with another man after seeing and reading the Yaoi our hostess let me barrow two episodes ago I think I'm finely suited to be a seme." Tamaki smiles.

Zell-Chan: well I'm glad I could help you out. Have you decided who your going to make your Uke?

Suddenly a dark shadow appears behind Zell-Chan as a cue-card appears before Tamaki and he starts reading it.

"I would love more than anything to make Kyoya Ootori my concubine as I explore my new found seme role in life?" Tamaki asked a bit confused about what he just read.

Zell-Chan: (nervous laugh) Did it get cold in here? Well that's our show and remember to send your questions to

**ASK A HOST!**

I'll be going now.

"Not so fast my dearest hostess." The shadow which is Kyoya grins as he grabs Zell's retreating form.

"You wouldn't hurt a mere cat girl would you,mew?" Zell-Chan asks as a tail and cat ears pop up on her body.

"Of course not, I merely want to_ Talk_" Kyoya spits out the last word causing Zell-Chan to shiver.

"It seems like we wont see her for a while." Kaoru sighs.

"Should we post our stats then?" Hikaru asks.

"I guess so."

BROTHERLY LOVE SCENES: 10

NOSE BLEEDS: 805

DEATHS: 314

"Hmm I hate odd numbers." Kaoru smirks as he looks at his brother from the corner of his eye.

"As do I brother dearest." Hikaru smirks back as they both make their way to a random fangirl in the audience.

"Hi" They smirk simultaneously at her as they wrap their arms around each other.

"EEEK!" She screams as blood trickles out of her nose.

NOSE BLEEDS: 806

"That's much better." They both nod.

Zell-Chan: remember (pant) to keep (pant) those questions coming! (pant) until next time on ASK A HOST! (pant)

"Where are you going? We haven't finished talking." Kyoya smirks as he yet again grabs a hold of Zell and drags her away.

"You may take my freedom but you will never take my yaoi!" Zell screams as she is dragged away until the next episode.


	9. seventh round of questions

Hello everyone! missed me? . well it seems many people are being pushy and telling me to hurry up and answer their questions without realizing that MANY people have questions waiting to be answered before theirs. Have patience everyone I'm answering questions in the order I received them and you can look at the review pages and check for yourselves. Also it has come to my attention that I need to make a rule about the questions that I thought I wouldn't have to. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS PERTAINING TO SOMETHING HAPPENING IN ANOTHER OHSHC FANFIC! I'm basing the responses on the personalities of the host club in the anime and manga not in other fanfics. Now that is off my chest on with the show!

Zell-Chan: (very monotone and glum) W-Welcome back to ask a host. I-I-I'm your hostess Zell-Chan. A-As you might remember last episode ended with my rude, and purely unfounded assumptions of the relationship between Tamaki Suoh and the great, handsome, charming (grits teeth) powerful, and all knowing Kyouya Ootori. I apologize for my actions as they do not represent the thoughts of this station which is sponsored by the Ootori group.

"I accept your apology dearest Zell-Chan" Kyouya smirks.

Zell-Chan: T-Thank you Kyouya-…

Kyouya clears his throat threatingly.

Zell-Chan: …_Sama_ -- Lets continue with our first questioner _junrinantwinnumber2_ who wrote:

_1. Hikaru and Kaoru - Do you ever wish that the two of you weren't twins?_

_2. Haruhi - Do you feel better pretending to be a guy or just being a girl?_

_3. Tamaki - What would you do if Haruhi was a guy?_

_4. Hunny - What would you do once you graduate from school?_

_5. Kyouya - What's the grade of your glasses? Is it high?_

_6. Mori - What is your life story?_

Thank you for your wonderful questions. (mumbles curses under her breath) lets have the twins answer first.

"Why wouldn't we want to be twins!" Hikaru yells outraged.

"But Hikaru…if we weren't twins…we could be together openly." Kaoru blushes teary eyed.

"Oh Kaoru…I don't care if we are twins I'll confess my love for you to anyone who will hear."

"Hikaru…"

"Kaoru…"

Both wince and close their eyes waiting to be yelled at by the hostess but blink in surprise when she is quiet.

"Zell-Chan?" They both ask in unison.

Zell-Chan: (glaring at Kyoya) That was a beautiful answer you two. Now for the question for Haruhi.

"Uh..Zell-Chan are you ok?" Haruhi asked puzzled.

Zell-Chan: (clenching her fist and shaking in contained rage) _just peachy_! Answer the damn question!

Haruhi gulps a little.

"Well…I never pretend to be anything. I just don't care what people think I am so it doesn't bother me if they think I'm a boy or girl." Haruhi shrugs.

"Haruhi-Kun! How dare anyone think you're a girl! You're all man!" A random fangirl shouts.

All the host except Kyoya who is smiling to himself look at the hostess waiting for her usual outburst which doesn't come.

"Zell-Chan are you ok? What did Kyo-kun say to you?" Hunny asks innocently sending a glance Kyoya's way.

Zell-Chan: (snappy) I'M FINE! Let's just move on to the next question and continue on with the show NE?!

Hunny cries and hides behind Tamaki.

Zell-Chan: Tamaki+Haruhi with a wee-wee. Answer!

Tamaki visibly gulps.

"Uh…well my lovely hostess…." Tamaki says as an idea pops into his head in the hopes of returning their lovable hostess.

"Gender means nothing to me. I believe I could fall in love with a man as easily as I could fall in love with a woman. I've already researched male love material and know I am definitely suited for a _seme _role with a handsome brunette who I hold close bonds with. So if it happened to Haruhi then I would grasp him and whisper sweet nothings as I would any love of my life." Tamaki answers dramatically.

The studio audience is stunned silent and all eyes are on the hostess who literally has steam running out of her ears.

"Zell-Chan remember our deal." Kyoya warns.

"So you the reason she's acting so weird!" The twins accuse.

"What did you do to Zell-Chan?! She never snaps at me!" Hunny asks darkly.

Kyoya ignored them and continues to stare at Zell who is shaking in frustration and trying to keep her mouth shut.

"Remember our deal. If you act out now it's off!" Kyouya warns with finality.

A wickedly creepy smile crosses Zell's face as her eyes become shadowed and she looks at everyone beaming.

Zell-Chan: You know what Ootori…KISS IT! (everyone gasps and she just continues) I will not become some little meek mouse who listens to what ever you say in the hopes of getting just a glance at your rich ! cheese wheel! I'm a fangirl…no FANQUEEN for heavens sakes! I will not change who I am in order to appease your pride. So if I say you are better bent over a chair by Blondie over there then just take it! Your freaking Kyoya Ootori your powerful, hot, rich, and intimidating. What could you possibly have to fear from my opinions?! It's not like what I say matters and if you were secure with your sexuality it wouldn't bother you so I'm going to stay my loud, opinionated, crude, and perverted self and you'll just have to deal with it!

There is a silence throughout the studio as everyone just gapes at her in shock. The first to break the silence is Renge who stands up and claps slowly causing the whole audience to fall in line until applause is heard around. That is until the twins burst into laughter.

"She told Kyoya sempai to kiss it!" Kaoru snickers in tears holding on to his side.

"Bent over a chair by Tamaki-Sempai hah!" Hikaru chuckles as him and his twin fall to the ground in tears.

"Good to see you are back my dear hostess." Tamaki smiles knowingly at Zell who appreciatively smiles back.

Zell-Chan: Now that everything is back to normal lets move on to the next question for Hunny what do you plan to do after you graduate?

"I want to go to culinary school so I can make cake but I'll come back to run my family's dojo until my brother is old enough to." Hunny smiles happily.

Zell-Chan: Well that's sweet but I shouldn't expect any less from Mitsukuni Haninozuka! Our next questions is for….-- Kyoya. What is the grade of you glasses?

Kyoya merely smirks at Zell-Chan and takes his glasses off nonchalantly.

"100 grade AAA+++ Prada. No lower grade would do." Kyoya answers to the point.

Zell-Chan: hmm I would expect no less. So now for the last question! Mori what is the story of your life? (leans in intent on listening)

"…." Mori looks at Hunny pleadingly.

"It's ok Takashi you don't have to be shy." Hunny reassures the taller man.

"…I was born a year after Mitsukuni, I'm his cousin." Mori deadpans with a slight blush.

A few of the shyer fangirls in the audience and one camera man faint after awing Mori.

"That's not fair! When did Mori-Sempi have that power!" The twins yell.

Zell-Chan: Well he's the stallion of the host club what do you expect? I think you did an awesome job Mori and one of these days we're not going to be able to shut you up. (wink) Ok that's all for today seeing as our main cameraman has fainted and should be out for a few hours. Remember to keep sending in your questions to

**ASK A HOST!**

As the credits role Kyoya stealthily pulls Zell-Chan to the side.

Zell-Chan: Hey! What are you doing?!

Kyoya leans over Zell-chan trapping her between him and a wall.

Zell-Chan: (gulp) Kyoya?

"I have to admit you did make a solid point throughout your rambling." Kyoya smirks pushing his glasses up only inches away from zell's face.

Zell-Chan: (blushing) um…t-t-thank y-y-yyou.

"However because you broke off our deal of remaining unbiast and un-fangirlish for a shower picture of the host club I hope you accept the penalty." Kyoya whispers against her skin.

Zell-Chan: (shuddering) w-w-w-what's the penalty?

"Me walking away and it eating you up inside." Kyoya chuckles as he backs off and walks out of the studio leaving a gaping and furious Zell-Chan.

"Fangirls attack!" Zell screams only to chuckle as a thud and a masculine grunt is heard from Kyoya's direction.

Zell-Chan: That's a warning to all evil bishonen. Never mess with a fangirl. see you next time on

**ASK A HOST!!!!!**

(waves)


	10. eighth round of questions

I had extra time today and guess what! I HAVE A JOB NOW! I won't say the name but it rhymes with _kc denny _lol. So savor this my fans for this shall be a rare occurrence. now on with the show.

Zell-Chan: Hello everyone! I decided I would do another episode today after having a cake eating contest with Hunny and let's just say I'm on a cosmic sugar rush! wooooo !

"Please tell me I don't act like that after cake!" Hunny pouts as Mori vehemently shakes his head no.

Zell-Chan: (pumping fist in the air) oh yeah!!!!!!! Time for another set of questions this time from _TLHauthoress_ who wrote:

_First off I must compliment you so much for how incredibly awesome this is! How did you come up with it? Anyway, I have a few questions for the hosts._

_1. Hunny, you are the cutest host ever and have inspired me to act cute and innocent rather than being mean. What is your favorite sweet?_

_2. Haruhi, as much as I know that Tamaki is annoying and bothersome, why don't you try to use reverse psych on him and act all bubbly and daughter-like? I'm not sure if he'll leave you alone- cuz he's so delusional- but it's worth a shot._

_3. Kyouya, have you ever thought about contacts and what would happen if your laptop's hard drive crashed? Would you have a back-up saved somewhare?_

_4. Tamaki, I know that you think of Haruhi as a daughter when others are around but you bviously have a crush on her. Will you ask her out already?!_

_5. Hikaru and Karou, you two are my ultimate favorite hosts when it comes to personalities. If I had a twin, we'd probably act like you two do, without the over-dramatization of the brotherly love. Anyway, this is slightly random but can either of you sing? And singing in the shower doesn't count._

_6. Mori, the ever silent one, what is your favorite host activity? _

_7. For all the hosts, have you ever considered going to America? If yes, do you believe that you would be able to affect the female population as you do in Japan?_

OO wow that's a lot of questions. I guess I'll answer first. I came up with this after a lot of pocky and blackmail. lol so why don't we have Hunny answer your question for him.

"Wow I never thought I'd inspire someone thanks! And I don't have a favorite sweet. I like all sweets like cake and chocolates and Turkish delights and fudge..mmmmm" Hunny murmurs as he goes into lala land full of yummy sugary sweets.

Zell-Chan: Aww isint that cute…ok now he's drooling on Usa-Chan. Clean up seat five! (watches as some stage men wipe the drool from the daydreaming blond and go back to their places) ok the next question is for Haruhi! So why not use some reverse psych on Tamaki?

"Reverse psychology on works on sane people and I'm afraid Tamaki-Sempai is delusional with trying to be my father." Haruhi deadpans.

"My darling Haruhi called me her father!" Tamaki croons.

"She called you delusional" The twins deadpan only to roll their eyes as Tamaki dances around on stage.

"He only hears what he wants to and when he starts dancing even reality can't stop him." Kyoya informs the group.

Zell-Chan: (laughing nervously) Well it seems the next question is for Kyoya but um I think I should hand you these back first. It seems my friend becca was a bit too rough with you last episode. (Hands Kyoya a bundle of black satin)

"I was wondering where these were…may I ask how she ever achieved to remove them intact with my pants still on?"

Zell-Chan: (nods sagely) Such is the power of fangirl. I hope were even now cuse you did kinda deserved it.

"I assume that we are even, but I would like to invest in training some of these fangirls. They are quite lethal and if they worked for my family's police force I believe they would be a great asset." Kyoya says while pushing his glasses up with a glare.

Zell-Chan:  I'll have my people call your people and we'll do lunch. Now time for you to answer the question for you. Have you ever thought of contacts and do you have a back up in case your laptop driver crashed?

"I have tried contacts before but I felt…naked. (pushed glasses up) and I would be stupid if I didn't have a backup. Besides I have 10 laptops that copy the information I send to any of them so it one were to crash I could throw it away and use my other ones." Kyoya says nonchalantly.

Zell-Chan: (rolls eyes sarcasticly) Oh we wouldn't want you to feel naked now would we. (hears some fangirls swoon and sighs in annoyance as the medic team revives them) Ok now for Tamaki! So why don't you ask Haruhi out? (grins evily)

"Well I never thought about it before…" Turns to Haruhi.

"Haruhi…would you like to accompany daddy out for a father daughter dinner?"

A loud smack is heard throughout the studio as many people hit their foreheads at Tamaki's stupidity.

Zell-Chan: (rubbing her now sore head) Just when you thought it was safe to be blond he has to ruin it for people again (sigh). So our next question is for the twins who I know will answer using more of their brain then a worm. So do either of you sing?

"Kaoru can sing wonderfully." Hikaru grins as puts his arm around his brothers' neck.

"Hikaru?" Kaoru questions with a slight blush.

"When you giggle at night. When you whisper my name. When you make those cute little sounds in our bed, it's like a symphony." Hikaru purrs while holding his brothers chin.

Fangirls start dropping like flies and ….even the producer of the show is in a blood depleted coma.

Zell-Chan: (quickly stifling her nosebleed) I have to say that was your best performance yet! (Applaudes) 

"Is that blood under your nose?" The twins ask in unison with a triumphant grin.

Zell-Chan: (defensivly) No it's not! I just had a hot dog it's ketchup that all! (The twins laugh and high five each other) Whatever! Lets just move on! (pouting and blushing at getting caught with her nosebleeding) So Mori what is your favorite host club activity?

"Meeting new customers." Mori deadpans.

Zell-Chan: aww you can be so cute when you want to be looks like Hunny is rubbing off on you. (see's Mori look away and blush while Hunny smiled brightly) awww super kawaiii eeee! Ok before I get too carried away let's answer the last question from _TLH-authoress_ that is for everyone. So have you all ever thought about going to America and do you think you would have the same effect on American girls? 

"I've gone to America on a few occasions for family business…there really isin't much of a difference except Americans don't squeal so much." Kyoya says with a glare from his glasses.

"I have thought about going to America just so I may bless the princess's there with my beauty." Tamaki croons.

"Eh I don't think anyone would understand us in America." Hikaru sighs.

"Girls over there don't know fashion and never get nosebleeds over us!" Kaoru says outraged.

"They have pretty large cakes in America." Hunny chirps.

"I've done research about law schools in America. I might go there after I graduate if I don't get into any schools here." Haruhi mutters off handedly causing Tamaki and the twins to surround her and plead for her to stay.

Zell-Chan: (smirks) so Mori you haven't answered. Ever thought about going to America? and do you think you'd have the same effect on girls there?

"….Hai." Mori deadpans leaving a confused hostess.

Zell-Chan:  so you have thought about going to America and you think you would have the same effect on girls there? 

"…Hai."

Zell-Chan: Well I would have to agree you do fit the ideal tall, dark, and handsome aspect most girls want in America. You might even be considered sexier then the rest of the host club (laughs)

All the host glare at Zell evily.

Zell-Chan: (rubs her head nervously and apologetically) ok well..thats all for

ASK A HOST!

keep sending in your questions and next episode is a special treat because I will be reading some yaoi smut to Tamaki and Kyoya!

"What?!" Kyoya and Tamaki yell in unison

Zell-Chan: (walks away innocently whistling)

"May I have a word with you pertaining the next episode my dear hostess." Kyoya says with a frightening smile.

Zell-Chan: nuh-uh (waves) bye all I got some smut to search through (runs as she is chased by Ootori guards) seeyah next time on

ASK A HOST!


	11. ninth round of questions

Hey everyone missed me? it seems I am being forced tow ork 35 hours a week and going to highschool so that leaves little time for writing and even littler time for sleep but fate must love you because today I took the day off school to get a tooth removed and also because im bleeding so freaking much there's no way I can work. (Imagines welcoming customers with gauze in her mouth) I also got pocky and a Japanese melon soda which is really really good so I want to spread my good bloody mood to all of you!

Zell-Chan: Welcome back everyone to another episode of your favorite show! (grins evilly) Let's start right away shall we? Todays first questioner is moogle in paradaisu  who writes:

_to all hosts (exept haruhi and hunny, he's just too small for this ):  
would you ever pose naked or nude for the sake of the hostclub-ness?  
ps. would u mind reading some of the smut out loud in front of kyoya and tamaki for me? i like to see them squirm!  
muahahahahaha!_

Luckily I have screened all the fangirls in todays audience so that there would not be too much bleeding so it should be safe to answer this question. So who wants to get naked for the host club!?

"Nudity would only lower the dignity of our club and adulterate all that we stand for. I would never lower myself to such standards and refuse to ever let the club fall so low." Kyoya said honestly and to the point.

Zell-Chan: -- anyone not see that answer coming raise your hand(looks around and see's that only Tamaki has his hand raised) Thought so…(sigh) so why don't we ask Tamaki if he's for hostclub nudity.

"I am never one to flaunt my beauty…"

The twins start coughing sarcasticly only to shut up and look away when Tamaki looks at them.

"As I was saying…though I don't flaunt my beauty I do believe it should be shared with the world and if it was for the hostclub then as the king it is my duty to do what I must so that my subjects may lead happy prosperous lives!"

Tamaki rips off his shirt only to hold himself and complain about the cold.

Zell-Chan: can someone please give him a sweater or something? (rolls eyes) Now there are only three left to ask so lets go with Mori…(blushes) would you get naked for the sake of the host club?

Mori raises an eyebrow then looks away in contemplation.

"…Hai."

Zell-Chan: eeeeeeeeeeek! omgomgomgomgomg! (gets slapped by the producer) Thanks just had a fangirl relapse for a moment. (takes a deep breath) Now for our devilish twins to answer.

"Hmm..I don't know." Kaoru mumurs innocently.

"Kaoru! Your body is mine and mine alone to enjoy do you hear me!" Hikaru yells all teary eyed.

"I'm so sorry Hikaru…just the thought of someone seeing you…please forgive me!" Kaoru cries.

"Of course, but you will have to be punished later tonight." Hikaru grins maliciously.

Zell-Chan: Anyone else notice how they avoid answering questions? (smiles ) Well time to answer the request of reading smut to Kyoya and Tamaki. LIGHTS!

Suddenly all the lights are out except for one on the hostess and two on Kyoya and Tamaki.

Zell-Chan: Now I know you both might be nervous but it's ok I wont read the whole thing seeing as this show is rated teen. (grins sadisticly)

"Takashi I'm scared!" Hunny shivers.

"Hai." Mori nods in agreement as he holds Hunny close.

"Something told me to bring popcorn." Kaoru smirks as he opens a recently heated bag of jiffy pop and offers some to Haruhi who is currently reading using a booklight.

"I just can't wait for the blackmail material." Hikaru snickers as he gets a pad of paper and pen then proceeds to take out a video camera and sets it on the faces of Tamaki and Kyoya.

"My dear hostess I do hope you know what you're doing in making enemy's of the Ootori and Suoh family." Kyoya glares with a wicked smile.

"I'm kind of intrigued by what the princess's of the world really think and if I'm portrayed as a proper seme." Tamaki says innocently causing Kyoya to groan in annoyance.

Zell-Chan: Now that everyone is ready lets get our smut on! This excerpt is from a story called "Pounce" written by Micayasha on matter what—no matter how loud or dramatic he is, or how flighty and flirtatious—no one can deny Tamaki Suou's beauty. Not even his level-headed best friend, who prides himself on his self-control and calculating, detached air.

_Kyouya is reminded of this as Tamaki steps out of the bathroom adjacent to his bedroom, clad only in a towel hanging low on his hips and innocent, bright violet eyes—wide and apparently oblivious to the way the water droplets crawl down his cheek, shine in his hair, trickle down the lines of his muscles, very faintly defined but there nonetheless._

_Self-control is very hard to maintain when you have a wet, wide-eyed, pouting Tamaki Suou in all his nearly-naked glory standing before you, asking you if you've seen his blue boxers; the ones with the black waistband._

"_No, Tamaki, I have not," Kyouya sighs, his voice tight with strain. "Why would I know where your underwear is?" It comes out snappish and irritated, because if Tamaki's towel slips any lower the fine, pale golden hair on his lower abdomen will thicken and curl and then Kyouya just might pounce, self-control be damned._

_Aforementioned self-control frays further, a precariously thin thread of desperation, when Tamaki, with a huff of frustration, turns and goes to his dresser to hunt through the piles of designer clothes for his missing boxers. He's muttering that they're good quality—silk, and almost brand new—but the whining is merely background noise as Kyouya watches a crystalline drop make its way down Tamaki's spine, curving into his back and escaping into the folds of that damned towel._

_/I will not pounce on him. I will not pounce on him. I will not pounce on him. I will not pounce on him…/_

_Tamaki whirls with a soft cry of triumph, blue silk boxers with black lining clutched tightly in his fist. Kyouya doesn't bother telling him he will wrinkle the silk, too busy clutching desperately at the slender, creaking thread._

_Which promptly snaps when Tamaki drops the towel with no modesty and begins to slip on the blue silk, looking straight in Kyouya's eyes all the while. That's when Kyouya knows the blonde has been doing all this on purpose, and it stokes the fire within him even further. Kyouya throws his inner mantra out the window—and pounces._

_Tamaki doesn't even bother chiding him for being so rough with silk when he rips the boxers off just as soon as they were donned. There is an obscenely talented mouth on his neck that is turning his knees to rubber and fingers sliding over the wet skin at his hips, and the scratch of Kyouya's shirt against his bare chest is only more incentive to get Kyouya's own clothes off as soon as possible. Tamaki sets to work on the buttons, and Kyouya lets the shirt slide from his shoulders to pool on the ground, probably getting wrinkled but who really cares? Tamaki's startled gasp at hips grinding into his is swallowed by a hungry mouth, greedy and forceful—a starving man given a three-course meal. The only thing running through Tamaki's mind is yes, and please, and every other word conveying his complete acquiescence to Kyouya's loss of control. He revels in the moments when he is able to draw out the fiercer, fierier, more passionate side of Kyouya—mostly because the rest of Ouran Academy has always taken the usually taciturn third son of the Ohtori family to be unwaveringly cool and collected, an impenetrable marble statue. A beautiful carving, to be sure — and if Kyouya ever doubts it, he has hundreds of simpering schoolgirls to stroke his ego — but inarguably cold and solitary._

_Now Kyouya's touch is liquid fire on his skin, formerly cold from the slowly-drying water of his shower, and his body pressed into Tamaki's as though he would like to crawl inside the blonde's skin. Tamaki would be lying if he said he didn't feel just a bit smug that all this was all his, and his alone — that no other person, man or woman, had ever felt the heat of Kyouya's desire and the skill of his mouth, or heard his gasps and moans and even the occasional shout when Tamaki is so far down that his nose is buried in thick, dark curls. No one has felt the trembling of his slender, toned body when Tamaki finds a particularly sensitive stretch of creamy-pale skin. And nobody has ever tasted Kyouya as Tamaki has — his lips, his mouth, his skin, his essence. The Host Club King holds a piece of his stoic friend that can never be stolen away—the gift of a first._

_Kyouya smirks as he pulls away from their kiss to survey his work — an alluringly aroused Tamaki, panting, dazed with a flush high in his cheeks and his eyes at half-mast, watching Kyouya from under thick yellow lashes. He knows that several times Tamaki has turned the tables and left him trembling in soft, gentle hands the way his blonde is now. It is a heady feeling to have such an effect on another._

_Tamaki's lips, just slightly swollen from kissing, are moving, saying something in an impatient tone, before he tangles his fingers in the ebony hair at the base of Kyouya's neck and pulls his Shadow King back down. It is all Kyouya can do not to take Tamaki right there, raw and dry, but even through his crazed lust he knows neither of them will enjoy that. He forces himself to pull them in the general direction of the bathroom, stumbling clumsily because they are still attached at the mouth, and Tamaki is kissing him as though he is going to bring his very soul from his mouth, until Tamaki's back is pressed against the cold marble wall, his legs wrapped around Kyouya's waist. There is lotion there on the counter, but the way Tamaki clings to him, presses himself so tightly against him, tells Kyouya he is not the only impatient one._

_/Hurry, hurry,/ Tamaki's hands tell him as one twines in his hair and the other grips his hip urgently. Kyouya fumbles with his pants, one hand holding Tamaki in an embrace that is both gentle and rough, and the hand previously kneading his hip and tracing invisible designs upon his skin hurries to aid in divesting the dark-haired boy of the troublesome garments._

"_Stupid pants," Tamaki half-gasps, half-mumbles into Kyouya's shoulder, fingers massaging the base of his neck and twisting the dark, sweat-dampened locks idly. Kyouya is rather inclined to agree, because if Tamaki's tongue did to his lower half what it is doing to his collarbone right now, he thinks he would have no need of heaven._

Zell-Chan: well that's all I can post without loosing my teen rating. so what did you all think?

Kyoya's eyebrow twitches.

Tamaki is in a fetal position mumbling something along the lines of "Mommy…daddy…lotion?"

Hikaru and Kaoru have dropped their things and are mimicking fish as they open and close their mouths simultaneously without saying a word.

Hunny and Mori on the other hand being older merely feel bad for Tamaki and Kyoya.

Haruhi on the other hand has finished her homework and has a small smile on her face which is not appropriate for the tension in the room.

Zell-Chan: well now wasn't that scintillating? (giggles nervously) well it seems that's todays show….(gets up to leave but is stopped by a swarm of police.)

"You were warned were you not?" Kyoya deadpans with a venomous undertone.

Zell-Chan: (glares at Kyoya then looks at the chief of the police with a smile) Hey mr.Yoshi how is Hikade?

"Oh he's fine but he misses you a lot." The chief smiles.

"Why are you getting so friendly with the enemy officer!?" Kyoya says authoritivly.

Zell-Chan: oh did I forget to tell you? I babysit all of their kids their such wonderful darlings and I think all parents need some time out to "reconnect" don't you?

Kyoya punches a wall denting it as he exits the building making phone calls while the police put down their weapons and start showing pics of their kids.

Zell-Chan: ok while we get the therapist ready for Tamaki and the twins I would like to say that the queistioner for the next episode is a dear friend of mine and I cant wait to see what she writes. (picks up the paper with a smile and reads it only to grow deadly pale.)

…I'm dead.

"Since Zell-Chan has fainted I just want to say thanks for watching me and my friends! See you next time ne Takashi?" Hunny asks cutely as he looks at the camera.

"Hai." Mori nods and waves.

as the credits roll Tamaki gets up and…

"I'M A UKE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screams


	12. 10th round of questions

Hey everyone! I've been in and out of the hospital lately and juggling work and school lately so I haven't had time to write. I also decided to end a story I was writing because I didn't like it and forcing myself to write something I hate destroys my love for my other stories. So for those who know what I'm talking about I'm very sorry, but now I can focus on my other works like this one!

Zell-Chan:  Hey everyone! I would like to announce that Tamaki has come back from therapy and Kyoya has now hired a new police force full of single non child having police officers (winks at one and watches him swoon.) I guess we'll just have to break in the newbies..so lets see the next letter. OO (looks around nervously) Well today is going to be interesting…it seems a very dear friend of mine has decided to write…and I seem to have no choice but to read it to you all…

_Tamaki, although I find your weird and spazzy ways amuseing, but lines of thinking agreeable, do you ever realize that you may be hurting your so called "princesses" by flirting non-stop? You're getting their hopes up and overall thinking they have a chance, which they don't concidering your weird obsession with Haruhi with the whole father/daughter relationship, but in the end you're only crushing those poor girls' dream by flirting with one girl after the other, do you really think you're making these girls happy by drawing them into a false sense of security and lying to them? _

_And do they know you're secretly a closet pervert?_

_NEXT!_

_Kyouya, have you read the wonderful one-shot concerning youself and Haruhi, written by our wonderful hostess, Zell-chan?_

_NEXT!_

_Kaoru, what will you do if Hikaru's possesive feelings towards Haruhi turn into love? And will it cause you to search for someone else to tell you apart from your brother?_

_NEXT!_

_Hikaru, do you ever get annoyed by the family like relashionship forced on you and Haruhi whenever Tamaki is around?_

_NEXT!_

_Haruhi, which bathroom do you use? Mens' of Womens'? _

_NEXT!_

_Mori, what are you going to do after you graduate?_

_NEXT!_

_Hunny...can I buy Mori from you? _

_I LOVE MORI, he's silent, but oh so fun to look at...oh, um, that is all the questions I have for the time being._

_I have to go eat some cake now, I love cake. It's chocolate, with fudge frosting and there are strawberries between the layers! It's a welcome home gift from my mommy, and it's all for me hahahahahahahaha!_

_BYE!_

_LadySoftball_

(Hunny begins drooling at the mention of cake and goes off in bunny lalaland)

-- My dear lady-chan…your soooooo dead when this over! So Tamaki what do you have to say for yourself and your cheating ways?

"I am appalled that anyone would think that I would crush a poor delicate princess's hopes! I am clear and true with my intentions and they all know I love them all. And there is nothing weird about me and my daughter Haruhi!" Tamaki states proudly.

Zell-Chan: and the whole "False sence of security thing?"

"I do not lie when I look a princess in the eye and tell her she is my world, my life, the very air I breathe, because for the time she has requested me, she truly is all that and more." Tamaki sparkles causing girls in the audience to awe.

"Does anyone else feel insulted?" Renge asks her fellow fangirls who nod heir heads "No" while gazing at Tamaki.

Zell-Chan: So all that said do they know you're a closet pervert?

"I am not a pervert!"

"So you admit to being a pervert?" Hikaru asks.

"No!"

"So you're still in the closet about your pervertedness?" Kaoru asks innocently next to his brother.

"I'm not in the closet you unscrupulous twins!" Tamaki yells aggravated.

"So your out of the closet?" Hikaru asks.

"And a pervert?" Kaoru quickly adds.

"Yes..i mean no…wait!" Tamaki tries to clear up but it's too late because the twins are already laughing simultaneously…

"His perverted higness is out of the closet! Id watch out if I were you Kyouya-sempai!"

The twins quickly shut up as Kyoya sends them a demon glare which they have never seen before.

Zell-Chan: (nervously rereads the letter) Now before I ask the next question I would like to take a moment of silence for Ladysoftball who will no longer be among the living for making me ask this. (Can feel the cold eyes of death grinning at her from Kyoya's direction) s-s-so…kyoya…buddy..pal! heh..heh..(nervously fidgets with her fingers) you wouldn't have my chance…well I don't know. May have read theoneshotiwroteaboutyouandharuhi?

"Could you please repeat that my _darling_ hostess I didn't quite hear you." Kyoya smirks.

Zell-Chan: (sweatdropping) You wouldn't have by chance r-r-r-read t-t-t-he o-o-oneshotiwroteaboutyouandharuhi?

"If I translated that right your asking me if I read the "one shot" as you call it referring to me and Haruhi…am I correct?"

Zell-Chan: (pales and gulps) nod

"The one where Haruhi imagines what a night with me would be like and I ravish her only to treat her like dirt afterwords?"

(gulp and nod)

"The one where she imagines all the passion and lust I could bring out in her?"

(pale nod)

"No never read it in my life." Kyoya dismisses causing the hostess to fall flat on her back with a crash.

Zell-Chan: (foaming at the mouth with a vengeance) YOU HAD ME SQUIRMING IN MY SEAT AWAITING MY OWN DEATH KNOWING DAMNWELL WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT WHILE YOU JUST SAT THERE SMIRKING LIKE A JERK ENJOYING MY MISERY!!!

"Your summary is correct, Psychological torture is much more rewarding then physical." Kyoya smiles.

Zell-Chan:  THAT'S IT YOU BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP LICKING BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BITING BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP GRAVE beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep CROSS-DRESSING BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Everyone in the audience watches with wide eyes as the hostess goes on a tirade and a the camera man quickly switches to a picture of a bunny with the words "please stand by" typed on it.

Show-producer: (whispering to the host) Do something to stop her!

Everyone looks at each other Except Hunny who merely nudges Mori who nods as he gets up and walks over to the rabidly pissed off hostess.

Zell-Chan:  NO I WONT CALM DOWN YOU CAN BLEEP IT! (mori taps her on the shoulder) AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

Mori merely puts a finger to her lips when she wips around to him and looks intently in her eyes.

"….calm." He says as he walks away leaving a dazed and goofily smiling hostess standing with wobbly knees.

"Wow I didn't know Mori-Sempai was so powerful." Kaoru murmurs.

"It must be the whole strong silence or something." Hikaru murmurs back.

Zell-Chan: (blushing madly) Well it seems I got a little too worked up and acted very unfangirl-like so I hope you forgive me. (bows) So lets continue with the show and answer the next question which is for the Kaoru. If Hikaru's possessiveness turns to love what will you do? and would you search for someone else that can tell the difference between you two?

"I don't know what I would do if Hikaru fell for Haruhi…" Kaoru whispers to himself sadly.

"Don't you dare even think about it! Haruhi is _our_ toy and that will never change." Hikaru says forcefully as he cups his brothers face.

"Oh Hikaru if you ever fell in love I wouldn't look for anyone else I would rather die knowing you were happy!." Kaoru croons as tears fall from his eyes.

"If your not the one I'm with then I am dead!" Hikaru answers as they look into each others eyes and embrace.

"Oh my god such touching brotherly love!" A fangirl squeals, wiping away tears as her nose bleeds on the floor.

Zell-Chan:  (dazed) Yes, yes how touching. Love is such a splendid thing.

"Eh zell-Chan you ok?" The twins asks nervously.

Zell-Chan: (suddenly is in forest with little animals flocking to her and birds nesting on her finger) Whatever do you mean?

"Uh..nothing…" They both shiver.

Zell-Chan: (smiling sweetly) Well there are more questions to answer so lets move on. Hikaru do you ever get annoyed by the forced family-like relationship forced on you when Tamaki is around?

"Now why would I ever get annoyed? My brother is all that I need but we can make room for another sibling in our bed." Hikaru teases as many fangirls faint due to lack of oxygen.

Zell-Chan: oh come on girls, please don't forget to breathe you silly things. (giggles) now lets ask The important question, Haruhi which bathroom do you use?

The audience seems to lean forward intently putting a spot light on Haruhi.

"The private hostclub bathroom of course." Haruhi deadpans a tad nervously.

Zell-Chan: Such a silly question to ask, but thank you none the less for answering Haruhi .

"What did you do to her Mori-Sempai?! She's scaring me!" Tamaki shivers as he hides behind Kyoya.

"….I calmed her?" Mori deadpanned with a nervous sweatdrop as he watched the hostess start to pick flowers which sprouted throughout the studio.

Zell-Chan: (humming motherly) Oh silly silly boys (sigh) I guess we should move on yet again. Oh it's for Mori (sighs and sparkles as she locks eyes on the somewhat frightened Mori) Mori, my friend, my sempai, my snugglewuggles (giggles as all the host sweat drop and suddenly feel bad for Mori) What do you plan to do after you graduate?

"Open a dojo with Mitsukuni." Mori says straight to the point.

Zell-Chan:  Aww that would be so splendid. Cousins joining forces in the power of blossoming youth!

"Someone please make her stop!" Kaoru and Hikaru cry with tears in their eyes.

Kyoya sighs and stands up walking towards the hostess who is now flashing a niceguy pose.

SLAP!

The audience is quiet as the sound of Kyoya's hand meeting the side of Zell-Chan's face leaves a deafening crack throughout the studio.

"I grow tired of your ignorant stupor and suggest you cease this moment before I do something drastic." Kyoya's voice rings out with authority.

Zell-Chan: (smiling) I am aware that people in your position are more prone to S&M then others. I should let you know that though I'm flattered I just don't see you in that light but I hope we can be friends. (sparkles as she skips away to ride on the back of Bambi.)

Kyoya was left in a state of shock but quickly cleared his throat and fixed his glasses as he goes to his seat but not before giving Hunny a meaningful look.

Hunny merely sighs as he hands Usa-Chan over to Mori and skips up to Zell-Chan.

Zell-Chan: (smiling brightly) How can I help you Hunny? The last question of the day is for you anyway so if you want me to ask it just let me….

But before Zell could finish Hunny leaned forward, his bangs covering his eyes and his dark side emitting an evil aura that rivals Kyoya's when he first wakes up.

"If you don't act your normal self so help me I will be upset."

Zell gulps as the forest around her disappears and Hunny looks up at her from underneath his bangs.

"Believe me you wouldn't want me upset, Ne?" Hunny finished with a tilt of his head.

Zell-Chan: (her eyes widen and her haze disappears as she looks around lost) What happened Hunny-Sempai?

Hunny smiled and pats Zell on the head.

"Nothing you just have to ask the last question, I think it's for me ne?"

Zell-Chan:  Oh yeah, Ladysoftball wants to know if she can buy Mori from you.

"Takashi is my cousin…why would anyone think he's for sale?" Hunny pouts causing everyone to awe as he quickly departs and jumps in Mori's lap.

Zell-Chan: (still somewhat lost) Well, I guess that's our show…um see you next time on:

**ASK A HOST!**

Why do I suddenly feel like I've been watching a Disney marathon?

(as the credits roll)

"I didn't know that Hunny-Sempai could be darker then Kyoya-Sempai." Hikaru whispers to Kaoru.

"I guess it makes sense that the only cure for Mori is Hunny." Kaoru shrugs only to feel the death glare of Kyoya as Hikaru feels a glare from Hunny.

"Your highness save us!" The twins yell in unison as they hide behind Tamaki's chair.

"Oh no, I'm a closet pervert remember? I might do unsightly things to you." Tamaki says sarcastically with a pout.

The twins grin at each other.

"So you admit it!"

"You unscrupulous twins!" Tamaki yells as he begins chasing the twins around stage.

Meanwhile Zell is looking at the taping of the show and looks up at Mori and Hunny with a shiver.

"Their so powerful it's scary." She mutters to herself.

The Show producer nods and waves to the camera

"See you next time on….

**ASK A HOST!!!**


	13. 11th round of questions

Busy is now my middle name. I had to apply to 6 colleges (even though I originally planned to apply to 12 lol) also I've gotten sicker and working 30 hours a week after school does not help matters at all. plus it seems a dear friend of mine is developing a crush on me and well…its akward at best. But it seems this show will never end with so many questions needing to be answered. None the less I present another chapter!

Zell-Chan:  Hey everybody! I missed you all . Welcome back to another round of Ask a host! Last episode is a bit of a haze but I heard it was very entertaining….though it seems a lot of forest animals have been hanging out around my house lately….(shakes her head dismissively) oh well lets go on to the next questioner. _Dontgiveadamn_ writes:

_Kyouya: _

-In a hypothetical situation, if you and Tamaki were a couple what do you think you're family would say and/or do?  
-Name one of the things you are scared of.

Haruhi:

-If you were given a choice to marry either Kyouya or Tamaki, who would it be?

Hunni:

-Does it bother you that you are short for a 17 year old?

-Does becoming the Haninozuka heir scare you in anyway?

Twins:

-Why do you refer to Haruhi as your 'toy' instead of friend?

-If one of you fell in love with another person what would the other do?

ohhh good question. So lets start with Kyoya.

"I'm not answering any stupid questions referring to the sexuality of myself or Tamaki be it hypothetical or not." Kyoya deadpans.

Zell-Chan: Oh come on Kyoya it's just a question and the contract you signed with the studio says that you would answer all questions asked as long as they did not refer to your family's company secrets. (hands Kyoya a copy of the contract and a magnifying glass)

"I don't see anything….dammit." Kyoya sighs in defeat.

(Zell-Chan does a victory dance for all her yaoi fangirl subjects)

"Hypothetically speaking I suppose if I and _Tamaki_ were a couple my family would disown me and I would have to support myself financially."

Zell-Chan: Aww I guess in a way "hypothetically speaking" you'd have to rely on Tamaki….maybe even live with him…and sleep in his room.

"Oh my god they would use the same shower!"

"EEEK!"

Fangirls go crazy with yaoi thoughts all over the audience and soon have to be hosed down by security.

"Must you be so crude?" Kyoya asks glaring at the hostess who is giggling at the audience who is soaking wet with content smiles on their faces.

Zell-Chan: I did it for you mister, look at them their like wet cats! (laughs maniacally) so answer the second question…what are you afraid of? (evil grin)

"Some part of me says I should be afraid of fangirlqueens but in truth I fear nothing."

Zell-Chan: I think you really should pay attention to that small part of you. (eyes widen in shock as she finds herself immune to the cold glare Kyoya gives her) interesting…now lets move on. Haruhi if you were given a choice to marry Kyoya or Tamaki who would it be?

"If I was given a choice to marry either of them I would choose neither. If I ever get married it would be because of mutual love not because I chose to marry that person." Haruhi deadpans leaving Tamaki split between despair and blushing.

Zell-Chan: Blunt and to the point…didn't expect any less from you my friend. Now for Hunny to answer the next questions. Does it bother you that your short for a 17 year old? and does becoming the Haninozuka heir frighten you in anyway?

Hunny looks up and thinks cutely.

" A lot of males in the Haninozuka family are short so it doesn't bother me. Anyway I'm 18 so I've still got a lot of growing to do!"

Zell-Chan: We all know your going to grow some more. You'll be all tall and cute and strong…and (starts drooling)

"Um..why is Zell-Chan drooling like that?" Haruhi asks.

"Probably imagining Hunny-Sempai all grown up." Hikaru snickers.

"Maybe he should answer the second question before she gets dehydrated…" Kaoru whispers as he starts taking pictures of the comatose Hostess.

"Why would I be afraid of being what I was born to be? I love my family's dojo and hope to make my father proud when I run it." Hunny smiles causing flowers to bloom around him.

"You will Mitsukuni." Mori says affectionately as he pats Hunny on the head.

"EEEK!" A fangirl screams right into the hostess's ear .

Zell-Chan: got to shower after getting all sweaty from training…(giggles only to pop out of her trance and wipe the large amount of drool from her mouth.) Oh sorry about that just daydreaming a bit….well lets move on! For the twins why do you refer to Haruhi as your "toy" instead of friend?

"As much as play with our dear Haruhi…" Hikaru croons as he lifts Haruhi's chin up from one side.

"…there should be no question why Haruhi is our toy…our _special_ toy." Kaoru whispers from Haruhi's other side as he wraps his arms around her waist..

Zell-Chan: ahuh…-- so if one of you fell in love with another person what would the other do? (rolls her eyes and sits down waiting for the lights to dim and two spotlights dawn on Hikaru and Kaoru)

"I would never leave Kaoru and he would never leave me!" Hikaru screams.

Kaoru merely looks away with a blush on his face.

"…right?" Hikaru's voice falters as he takes a step towards Kaoru.

"I would never leave you…it's just that hearing those words from your mouth …just makes me so happy." Kaoru cries as he buries himself in Hikaru's arms.

"I'm only here to make you happy Kaoru…even if that meant bringing someone else to our bed…maybe even Haruhi…" Hikaru grins.

"Oh no, you two are not pulling me into this!" Haruhi waves as she grabs her things and leaves the studio.

"Oh come on Haruhi there's enough room for all three of us if were on top of each other!" Kaoru teases as him and Hikaru run after Haruhi.

…..the audience is silent as a cold wind blows and the hostess turns around only to find ever single audience member (except for Renege) dead from loss of blood.

Zell-Chan: Oh my god! They did it! They beta their record for most nose bleeds and deaths! Let's show their scores!

**BROTHERLY LOVE SCENES: 16**

**NOSEBLEEDS: 920**

**DEATHS: 900**

(The show producers and camera men applaud as balloons and confetti drop from the ceiling)

Zell-Chan:  Congratulations you two for making a world record! How do you feel?!

Hikaru and Kaoru stop their torture of Haruhi as a spotlight shines on them.

"Ok I guess." The twins deadpan at the same time as two girls dressed as bunnys (much to Hunny and Mori's delight) escort Hikaru and Kaoru back to the center stage and give them both a kiss on the cheek.

Zell-Chan: Now that you are mass murderers what do you plan to do?

"Murderers?" Hikaru gulps.

"We didn't kill anyone?" Kaoru whimpers.

(Police burst down the doors and circle the stage)

Zell-Chan: Not according to Japanese law.

"You can't possibly arrest them because of their killer looks…can you?" Tamaki asks nervously.

Zell-Chan: I personally don't think they could handle jail but I didn't make the law.( pouts)

" Put your hands in the air and get on your knees!" A police officer barks.

"Hold me Kaoru" Hikaru whimpers in fear as him and his brother latch onto each other.

"Stop this at once!" An authoritive voice beckons as a shadowy figure enters the studio.

Zell-Chan: (in shock and awe) No way…it can't be!

"Glad you could make it….the situation was getting a tad out of hand." Kyoya smirks as he closes his cell phone.

Zell-Chan: H-h-hakkai…G-g-goyjo!?

"Now what's all this? I didin't think you would ever stand by and let bishonen get hurt." Goyjo pouts.

Zell-Chan: (infuriated and blushing) How do you know them!

"Were bishonen…we stick together." Kyoya says as him and his fellow host seem to simultaneously pose causing sparkles to blind the police.

"I think you have the power to stop these boys from being sent to jail…if not for them then do it for us." Hakkai pleads as he stands next to the startstruck hostess.

"I promise we'll make it up to you." Goyjo whispers in the hostess's ear.

The hostess melts into a puddle of goo only to quickly reform with guns and ammo.

"No one gets arrested in my studio!" Zell screams shooting around the studio.

"She's freaking tweaked!" A rookie officer yells as he hides behind a chair.

"Retreat! Retreat!" The police captain shouts as the police quickly dodge bullets and exit the studio.

When the dust cleared Zell-Chan stands sweaty and panting.

"Well our job is done." Goyjo smirks as he lights a cigarette and prepares to leave.

"See you at the next Bishonen meeting Oootori-San" Hakkai waves.

Zell-Chan: Wait! My precious bishonen come back!

Goyjo and Hakkai turn and share a look as they come back to either side of Zell-Chan and give her a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks Hun." Goyjo smiles as the hostess goes unconscious from loss of blood.

"I think everyone has learned a valuable lesson today." Hakkai says to the camera.

"As bishonen we shouldn't abuse our powers of persuasion because it can have dire consequences?" Hikaru and Kaoru ask.

"That looks can kill?" Tamaki asks.

"That if you have the right contacts you can avoid being arrested?" Goyjo asks

"No silly…" Hakkai begins only to be interrupted by Kyoya.

"That as long as we are handsome we can control women and even life and death." Kyoya says with a glare that rivals that of even Hakkai.

"I have to agree." Hakkai smirks.

All the host, Hakkai, and Goyjo come together and turn facing the camera.

"This PSA was brought to you by bishonen flakes…please sparkle responsibly. See you next time on…

ASK A HOST! 

As the credits roll everyone talks to each other as "The more you know" music plays.

(A/N: I'm so, so , sorry I just couldent help the PSA message at the end…did I mention im sick? also Goyjo and Hakkai are from saiyuki google them their sexy.) zell-chan


	14. 12 round of questions

Thank all that is good for Christmas vacations! I've been wanting to write a holiday episode for a while now.

Zell-Chan:  (Sparkling in a black and white female santa suit ) Welcome all of my beautiful and loyal fans to the holiday episode of ASK A HOST! (hands out chocolate to everyone) Tis' the season for love in Japan and for family in America so all the host have dressed up for this wonderful season and everyone seems to be in a good mood so lets move on to your questions! This one comes from _twinharupairing-fanxD _who writes:

_hikaru & kaoru:ne ne I can tell u guys apart u know and it's really weird cause none of my friends can tell u guys apart but don't worry u won't have another fangirl trying to marry u since in the far future i'm going to marry coffin joe from 'the horrors'xD_

_haruhi:ne ne haru-sempai..can I call u haru-sempai??-is confuse-um ..damnit I forgot!Dx-hits her head-..oh now I remember!xD would u please end up wit the twins please ? I don't want u to end up with baka-sempai -cough-tamaki-cough-!D: and I wish I was as smart as u can u tutor me please?3and here -gives haruhi a force field-_

_it's a baka repellent force field to keep bakas-cough- tamaki -cough- away xD_

_hunny:ne ne hunny-sempai my friends say I'm exactly like u except not as smart which is of course true !xD would u like to hang out sumtimes cause it would be fun and I have my own bunny though its a momiji bunny plushie backpack . ;;.oh and was there ever a day that u didn't want to eat sweets??O_

_tamaki:I'm sorry to say this but u're a complete baka xP seriously wat kind of person in their right mind would sexually harass their 'suppose' daughter and try to kill their 'suppose' sons? I for one think u need mental help _

_kyouya:yah I for one think u're pure evil and it looks like u luv adding more to haruhi debt even when its not her fault.and y the heck are u mommy?Oo_

_mori:um...talk more!OOx and do u like digimon?_3

Wow that's a lot of questions? Well a few are just comments so umm…what do the twins think about being considered below coffin joe?

(Kaoru and Hikaru get teary eyed while wearing elf outfits)

"And here I thought we were loved" Kaoru cries

" Maybe we were only meant to love each other." Hikaru croons as he holds Kaoru close.

Audience:………………………….(still dead from last episode)

Zell-Chan: (scratching the back of her head nervously) my bad I forgot to restock the audience. Well it seems that today's episode is closed captioned and only for the people at home's viewing pleasure! Ok let's move on So Haruhi…can she call you Haru, will you fufill her wish that you end up with the twins, and be tutored by you? Also this thing came with the package (tosses a small device to Haruhi)

Haruhi catches it while wearing an elf girl outfit.

"I have no problem with being called Haru and as far as Kaoru and Hikaru…"

Haruhi looks over at the twins who are striking a sparkling pose.

"…I don't exactly know what is meant by me "ending up" with them but I somehow doubt it will happen." Haruhi answers to the point causing Tamaki (who is dressed as santa) to run to her crying while she pushes a button on the device.

ZAPP!

"I wouldn't mind tutoring but I doubt I could really teach but I would try my best." Haruhi smiled innocently while Tamaki sizzles behind her.

"Hey look Kaoru fried baka!" Hikaru laughs.

"It seems it only works on baka's" Kaoru wonders idly as he pokes the field and doesn't get zapped.

Zell-Chan: So the next question is for Hunny.. (stares at Hunny who is dressed up as a snow bunny and Mori who is dressed as Rudolph the red nose reindeer) um..would you like to hang out with her and was there ever a time you didn't want sweets?

Hunny bounces up and down in his chair happily.

"I would love to hang out sometime! It's always fun making new friends ne? Though I think the only time I didn't want sweets was when I was in my mommys tummy."

The hostess and the host all look at Hunny and tilt their head quizzically.

Zell-Chan: Ooook….um lets move on. Tamaki why do you insist on sexually harassing Haruhi who is your "beloved daughter" and have threatened to kill your "sons" on many occasions? Do you in fact have a mental problem.

Popping out of his anti-baka electrocution haze Tamaki stands up angrily.

"I do not s-s-s-sexually harass my daughter!" He screams blushing.

"Look Hikaru Santa's blushing at the thought of touching one of his elves!"

"We must protect her from becoming another of santa's ho's!" Hikaru shouts as Kaoru joins him in holding Haruhi close.

"You meddling little devils! Get your hands off my daughter!" Tamaki yells as he moves to strangle the twins only to be zapped by the forcefield yet again.

"What's that smell Kaoru?"

"I think it's the last of his brain cells Hiakru." The twins deadpan only to break out laughing while Tamaki twitches on the floor.

Zell-Chan: Well I think he answered the mental question alright. Oi! Tamaki! Are you ok or do you normally like to smoke like that.

"What did I do in a past life to be tortured so harshly? All I want to do is hold my beloved daughter in my arms and keep her from horrible devils is that so bad for a father to want?" Tamaki pouts sexily while smoke flys off him and he brushes his hair away from his teary eyes causing sparkles to resonate everywhere.

"Maybe if you realized you aren't my father your next life will be much better." Haruhi says point blank causing a spear of despair to pierce Tamaki's chest.

Zell-Chan: poor, poor Tamaki….00 your santa hat is on fire.

(Tamaki looks up and runs around screaming like a maniac)

Oh well lets move on to our very own Jack frost! So do you love adding to Haruhi's debt even when it's not her fault? and why are you called Mommy?

"I'll have you know I am not some monster who enjoys being owed money." Kyoya deadpans as he pushes his glasses up and wipes some imaginary dust from his stark white suit.

Zell-Chan: (shivering from the coldness that surrounds Kyoya) heesh no need to be that into character! (evil grin) So why are you called mommy?

"For years I've wondered that myself…." Kyoya says as he calmly gets a cup of cold water and pours it on Tamaki much to the blonds relief.

"…but I believe it might have to do with how much I end up having to take of the club and its members." Kyoya sighs as Tamaki hugs him tightly.

Zell-Chan: (Sighs in understanding) I feel your pain man. I have a few "children" myself. (smiles brightly) so Mori…why don't you tell us some things and let us know if you like Digimon.

"…Digimon is nothing more but a cyberised rip off of Pokemon which I am a fan of." Mori says in a serious tone which conflicts with the Rudolph outfit complete with blinking nose.

Zell-Chan: Why am I not surprised that you would like pocket monsters. Most are cute especially jiggly puff and mew.

"Takashi loves mew and evee, he even has the plushies! Ne Takashi?" Hunny smiled causing Mori to blush and nod.

Zell-Chan: awww is Rudolph blushing? (giggles as Hunny pats Mori on the head) Well I guess that ends our show but first lets have holiday wishes from all the host!

"May you have a pleasant holiday and a profitable new year." Kyoya says as he pushes his glasses glare evilly.

" May you holiday be filled with fun.." Kaoru begins only to be held by Hikaru.

"…and your new year filled with love." Hikaru whispers.

"Oh Hikaru.." Kaoru blushes.

Zell-Chan: Break it up boys! This is a holiday message.

"Oh all right.' The twins' huff.

"May your holidays be filled with fun and Hitachiin clothing!" The twins grin with thumbs up.

Zell-Chan: (smacks her forehead in aggravation) I give up!

"May you holidays be sweet and your new year filled with cake! Ne Takashi?" Hunny smiles as he jumps on Mori's back.

"…" Mori merely nods.

Zell-Chan: (mumbles) I guess we used up his allowed amount of words for the year. Guess that just leaves Haruhi and Tamaki left.

"May your holiday be pleasant and your new year filled with happiness" Haruhi smiles honestly causing the host to blush and glomp her except for Tamaki who is propelled back yet again by the force field.

Zell-Chan: aww Tamaki don't you have any holiday wishes for your fans?

"May your holiday be filled with beauty and your new year filled with love." Tamaki sniffles.

"This kind of thing is pretty dangerous, I better get rid of it." Haruhi says as she throws the forcefield away only to have Tamaki glomp her.

"You really care about daddy! My Christmas wish has already come true!" Tamaki squeals.

"Baka!" The twins yell as they try to pry Haruhi away from Tamaki.

The hostess merely sighs as she joins the host on stage.

"May your holidays be filled with fun, laughter, and joy and your new year be filled with hope, and new experiences. I want to thank you all for watching this humble show and for showing your support without it I doubt I would be where I am so thank you." Zell-Chan bows.

"MERRY CHRISTMAHANAKWANZAKA SOLSTACE AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! FROM EVERYONE AT ASK A HOST!" Everyone shouts in unison as they wave and the credits role.

"Whew! Thanks everyone for an awesome show." Zell says turning to the host.

"Don't thank us yet." Kyoya smirks as he shares a look with Mori who is on her other side.

"Hey look Zell-Chan your under the mistletoe!" Hunny points.

"um..um…" Zell stutters only to be shut up from a duel kiss to the cheek and top of the head from Kyoya, Mori, and Hunny who is still on Mori's back.

"….." Zell freezes and promptly faints.

"Seems we'll have a break from doing the show until our hostess wakes up." Kyoya smirks.

"Zell-Chan?" Hunny asks worriedly while poking the hostess's frozen form.

"H…h..hap-p-py h-h-h-holid-d-d-days." Zell stutters out only to promptly faint again causing the twins to laugh hysterically.

"Happy holidays." Huruhi says shaking her head at the scene in front of her.

**Happy holidays everyone!**


	15. 13th round

I'M SOOO SORRY!!  It's been a month now right? January was not good for me or to me at all. First my job cuts my hours knowing I have to start sending payments off to school, then a bad snow storm, then my mom goes to the hospital, then I had to go to the hospital and after all that midterms and S.A.T's! I'm finally getting everything back together but I always thought about you all I hope you'll forgive me. Also I'm having trouble with writers block which isint helping so I apologize if this chapter isint one of my best.

Zell-Chan:  Well, well, well! (blows kisses to everyone) I missed you all soo very much over the holidays. And since it's been so long I'll jump right into the next set of questions! These are from _Black rose dye___who writes:

_Hikaru, Kaoru- Gotta say, you're probably my second-faves in the club. Would you dress up as cats again, like you did in episode 13?_

_Tamaki- All I have to say is that you're fairy talented, since I hate you and all, but you're still my third favorite._

_Haruhi- How do you put up with everybody in the host club? I mean, I would go INSANE!_

_Honey- If you had to pick, what is your favorite kind of cake?_

_Mori- Is it hard staying silent so much?_

_Kyouya-kun- Finally, I get to speak to my favorite host. After reading the first three rounds of questions, I am convinced I am the only one who's not a fangirl of KyouTama yaoi. I despise it, actually. But anyway, how hard would it be to get you to go out with me?_

Zell-Chan: Ohhh good questions So Hikaru and Kaoru would you guys dress up like cats again like you did for the alice in wonderland theme?

"I think we could do it again, it was so much fun dressing up even though Hikaru kept messing with my tail." Kaoru pouts.

"Aww Kaoru I couldn't help it…" Hikaru smiles as he puts his arms around Kaoru.

"..Besides I wanted to see if I could make you purr." Hikaru whispers as he nuzzles Kaoru's ear.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru gasp as he looks away and blushes.

Zell-Chan: Luckily for you guys I'm still screening audience members that can withstand you predictable yet entertaining brotherly love. I think there were enough sparkles there to blind an elephant! So Tamaki your hated but considered fairly talented…how do you feel?

"Why do so many people hate me? All I ever want to do is protect my precious daughter from sinful influences." Tamaki says dramatically with teary eyes.

"Maybe because you're a baka." The twins chorus together with a smirk.

"Why don't people hate you!?" Tamaki asks with an accusing finger point.

"Were sexy and cool…" Hikaru says with a pose.

"…Were smart and daring…" Kaoru adds as he leans against Hikaru posing as well.

"And above all…were bad." The twins smirk with a wink that has fangirls outside the studio screaming.

Zell-Chan: Ok now that's just creepy. Oo they can sense sexiness through concrete walls! (Immediately sets up more security) Let's continue with Haruhi's question, so how do you put up with all the host?

Haruhi thinks for a minute as the host all watch her warily.

"At first I have to admit that I saw them as nothing more than rich bastards…" Haruhi starts to explain honestly.

Tamaki silently disappears in a dark corner as everyone else waits for Haruhi to finish.

"..but now that I've gotten to know them I realized their not that different from everyone else. You can kinda say I've become attached to them in some ways." Haruhi smiles.

The twins quickly huggled Haruhi surprised by no outburst from a certain blond.

Zell-Chan: That's weird, Tamaki is usually right there to…OO OH EM GEE!!

Tamaki reappears in torn black t shirt with netted sleeves and ripped black jeans complete with eyeliner and dark hair.

"He's gone to the emo side!" Kaoru Gasp in horror.

Zell-Chan: Ok I'm gonan try to hurry up these questions while we find out whats wrong with Tamaki…ok um Hunny what's your favorite kind of cake?

Hunny tilts his head questioningly and pokes Tamaki only to hear Tamaki scream out:

"CUT MY WRIST AND BLACK MY EYES!!!!"

Hunny quickly jumps back and hides behind Mori who's eyes are wide in fear.

"Um..sweet cake...what's wrong with Tama-Chan?" Hunny all but cries.

"I think the constant rejection has sent him into a dark place known as the Emo-Zone." Kyoya explains with a sigh.

Zell-Chan: (sigh) I've seen this happen to a lot of young bishi. I've never heard of it happening to anyone as old as Tamaki before. But like I said we can focus on Tamaki as soon as we get past these questions so I'll ask the last two at once. Mori: Is it so hard to stay silent? and Kyoya how hard would it be to get you to go out with a anti tamakyo yaoi fan?

"What are questions anymore but answers repeated." Tamaki proclaims as he stumbles slowly around the studio sighing with his hands in his pockets.

Zell-Chan: Everyone just ignore him and answer the questions. I've delt with emo's and even went through the emo-zone myself. If you ignore him we might get lucky and he'll cut down the highway and not across the street. (long eerie silence with crickets chirping very loudly) heh..heh..heh (sweatdrop) It was a joke people. (cough) so answer the questions please.

"…..no" Mori says while watching Tamaki approach him with watery eyes and mascara running down his face.

"I feel your pain! Restrained by the rules of a world so unjust and cruel! Will we never be allowed to feel? To scream out our pain and agony!" Tamaki cries while hugging a surprised and scared Mori whose face seems to scream "Help!"

Zell-Chan: (Throws an early Linkin Park cd) Go boy get it! Leave the nice host alone!

Tamaki runs after the cd as if his life depends on it.

Zell-Chan: whew! SO how hard is it to get you to go out with a girl Kyoya?

"I have no interest in dating at the moment. I am focusing on my education since I do not like wasting my time. I do believe however if it was meant to be it will happen." Kyoya says sliding his glasses up his face with an eerie glare.

Zell-Chan: Aww that's kinda sweet. At least she'll get a cookie and puppy for your rejection but thanks for giving fangirl a hope that you can love

"What is love? It's just a four lettered word like scum and hate." Tamaki sneers with a toss of his head.

"Tamaki I'm getting tired of your drama snap out of it!" Kyoya yells at Tamaki as he pulls him up by the shirt.

"Make me!"

SLAP!

Everyone sits in silence as the echo of Kyoya's slap against Tamaki's cheek rings through the studio and the sound of Hikaru and Kaoru's popcorn popping in the microwave can be heard.

"H-how could you?" Tamaki cries .

Zell-Chan:  Oh my god he's back! 

"I guess the only thing I can feel is pain." Tamaki adds causing all the host to fall at the force of stupidity.

Zell-Chan: There has gotta be something I can do to bring him back to his old self…I'll be right back everyone, make sure he dosent start singing again or spouting bad poetry.

"Uh..Zell" Kaoru says with wide eyes as he pokes the hostess who is busy sorting through questions.

"Crawling through my skin! These wounds they will not heal!"

Zell-Chan: (refusing to turn around) Please tell me he's not doing what I think he is doing.

"The world is so dark and cold like the stars on the ocean at night. So beautiful but so fleeting."

"Tamaki-Sempai you really should cheer up, your going to upset the princess's." Haruhi try's to console by patting Tamaki's shoulder while he's in mid poetic rant under a spotlight.

"Those princess's are the same one's who laugh at me! Why should I make them happy?"

Zell-Chan: (popping up from the enormous pile of questions) Hey I found something that may help! It's two questions from _rebeccasanfujieijilvr _The first is for Hikaru:

_Hikaru: Even though my friend is obsessed with your brother.And, has an autograph signed by him. Can I have yours please?_

"That's right! fans for the devils! No one cares about me I'm just a Baka!"

"The first step is admittance." Hikaru mumbles earning a glare from EVERYONE!

"Sorry.." Hikaru Says sheepishly scratching the back of his head while he signs the autograph.

"I do not see how that was supposed to help his situation." Kyoya glares.

Zell-Chan: Cool your heels there's another questions. (walks over to Tamaki with a bright smile)

"What do you want? I have nothing left to give but my soul." Tamaki sighs while hugging his knees on the floor.

Zell-Chan: Well I was hoping you would be interested in listening to the second question.

"And what would that be?" Tamaki asks warily.

_Tamaki: Same question with you. By the way we love your blue eyes and silliness. LOL._

A light shines on Tamaki causing his black clothing to disierate into a brilliant white and his hair to go to it's natural brilliant blond.

"Somone loves me! and they want my autograph!" Tamaki yells in excitement.

"You are quite lovable you know." Haruhi smiles happy that Tamaki is back to normal.

"My daughter loves me too! I'm so happy!" Tamaki says hugging Haruhi and spinning her around.

Zell-Chan: That's good and all but will you sign the autograph?

Tamaki continues to chant about someone loving him

Zell-Chan: So about that autograph…

Tamaki runs around hugging everyone

Zell-Chan: Ahem…that autograph (big vein appears)

Tamaki suddenly seems to be in a field of flowers and woodland creatures.

Zell-Chan: Sign the dang paper before I kill you!! OO

Tamaki instantly becomes in touch with reality and quickly signs.

Zell-Chan: Thank you So are you glad you realized that you are loved.

"But so many people don't like me." Tamaki pouts.

"It doesn't matter if total strangers don't like you." Kyoya offers with a small smile.

"It only matters if the people who you care about like you." Haruhi finishes.

"Besides we wouldn't want any other Baka." The twins say joke fully as they mess up his hair.

"Aww you really love me?"

"Of course we do Tama-Chan." Hunny smiles as Mori nods in agreement.

"I think love is a bit of a strong word. I refuse to give yaoi fangirls more bait." Kyoya sighs.

"Mommy is just afraid to admit his love." Tamaki smirks as he holds his arms wide for Kyoya to hug him.

"Maybe daddy is just delusional."

"Come on give daddy a hug." Tamaki says fallowing Kyoya who is trying to escape his graps.

"Tamaki stop this foolishness." Kyoya says with wide eyes.

"Come to daddy!" Tamaki laughs only to be met with silence.

Zell-Chan: OO

"Did I cross the line?" Tamaki pouts in confusion.

Everyone nods yes vehemently causing Tamaki to go into his corner with a small smile as everyone laughs a little.

The hostess merely walks over to the corner and leans against the wall

Zell-Chan: It's good to have you back your majesty; your family would be lost without you.

"That's good to know." Tamaki smiles to himself.

Zell-Chan: So why don't you join me in closing the show?

Tamaki stands up and with a dramatic brush of his hair looks directly in the camera.

That's the show princess's see you next time on:

ASK A HOST!

"Baka!" The twins yell out causing Tamaki's smoldering gaze to turn into a puppy pout.

The hostess merely looks on at the happy host family and smiles.

Zell-Chan: See you all again next time, and as a side note, please take care of yourselves and your family.

**A/N: Ok people no more questions can be submitted for a while. If you have read the review pages you'll see that this ends the questions from chapter 1-4. I have A LOT of chapters to go and people are very impatient so the submission hold will only be till I catch up. **


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